Matters of the Heart
by lilballerette10
Summary: They want Dean dead,and they want Sam to do it and will go to unimaginable lengths to make it happen, even if it means giving Sam something he's always wanted...but is it all a part of a bigger plan to kill 2 birds with 1 stone? Takes place mid. seas. 2
1. Chapter 1

**I posted this story on another fan fic site awhile ago under the title "Matters of the Heart", so if you've read that, this is the same fic.**

"Sammy, we don't haveta do this dude."

"Yea we do Dean, you know we do."

"We can skip this one Sammy."

"Dean, the visions aren't gonna stop 'til we go back there."

"Are you ready to go back there?" Dean asked with his full attention on his little brother.

"…no," Sam replied as a million things started running through his head. "But it doesn't seem like I have much of a choice."

"Sure you do, I can go while you stay here."

"What I saw…you're not going alone…no way in hell."

"Sammy, I'm a big boy, I can cope without you you know."

"Yeah cuz the last time you said that, you meant to get tied up to a tree and sacrificed to a scarecrow right," Sam replied with a cocked eyebrown.

"Whatever smartass, I was just giving the scarecrow some satisfaction before I popped a clip right through its fugly face," Dean shot back not wanting to admit defeat. Sam knew they could spit words back and forth about that situation for hours but instead he just decided to roll his eyes.

"Keep telling yourself that Dean."

Both boys sat on their motel beds starring at the ground, contemplating what to do next.

"So we're going?" asked Dean breaking the silence.

"I guess so…"

"You sure bout this Sammy?"

"…yeah," Sam replied hesitantly.

"Well then, Palo Alto, here we come."

Driving in the Impala

Dean looked over at Sam who was finally asleep. For the past few days Sam hadn't had much sleep and it didn't go unnoticed to the elder hunter. Although Sam wouldn't admit it, aside from the visions, he had been having nightmares about Jessica again. They had stopped for awhile and just when Dean started to think that Sam was coping with it, the nightmares started up again. Dean knew this wasn't good, all of Sam's freaky visions are tied to the yellow eyed demon and every instinct in him told him to turn right back around and head as far away from Palo Alto as possible, but Sam was right, the visions never went away until they were dealt with.

Dean took in the sight before him of his younger brother who looked so innocent and young in his sleep. He hated the fact that Sam had to go through the pain of losing Jess, and now to be dragged back to the same place, the same dorms where it happened, it was unfair…no…actually, it was downright cruel.

If Dean could take the pain away from his brother, he would do it in a heartbeat, no matter what the cost. But as much as he wanted to, he knew it wasn't possible. He loved his brother more than life itself, hell Sam was his reason for breathing, his reason for waking up each morning, and Dean has dedicated his life to protecting Sammy, but Sam's mind and the demon's mind tricks were things that Dean couldn't control.

And if that wasn't bad enough Dean still blamed himself a little for what happened that night. If he had never came to get Sam from Palo Alto to help look for their father, Sam may have been able to help Jess. On the other hand he may have died along side Jess. If the latter is true then Dean would feel no guilt what so ever, but if Sam would have been able to save Jessica…Dean wasn't one to feel guilty about much but this one came back to haunt him every once in awhile. The worst part was, he felt that maybe deep inside Sam blamed him a little too, even if he would never admit to it.

The rest of the drive was pretty much the same as the past week had been, Sam having visions about a girl being burned alive, followed by nightmares of Jessica being burned alive, and Dean watching his brother's painful expressions while feeling completely and utterly useless.

When Sam began to call out Jessica's name, Dean decided that it was time to free Sam from the hell his mind was putting him through.

"Sammy," Dean said as he lightly shook Sam. "Sammy, wake up."

Sam's eyes flew wide open at the slight shake from his brother.

"Huh…what…are we there yet."

"No, not yet."

"Was I…."

"Yeah."

"Oh"

Sam turned his head to face the window and watched as the forest outside seemed to wizz by the car. To be honest Sam was embarrassed by his outbursts during his nightmares and although he knew that Dean knew, he didn't want to admit to Dean that the nightmares of Jessica had resurfaced. Whether he wanted to talk about it or not though, after this last outburst, he knew that Dean would bring it up.

"Sammy, we gotta talk dude."

"Dean…not now."

"Then when Sam, this has been going on for over a week now, u always loved caring and sharing, so share away little brother."

Sam said nothing and turned his head to the window again.

"Sammy c'mon dude, I wanna help you out but you gotta throw me a bone here."

It's not that Sam didn't want to talk about it, god knows he did, but Dean had enough to deal with, he didn't need to add this to the heavy burden already present on his big brother's shoulders. Dean was still dealing with the devastation of their father's death and with the fact that Sam might turn into a monster, the last thing he needed was to worry about stupid nightmares.

"Dean…I'm okay," Sam replied unconvincingly.

"Yeah, and I wish I were driving a corolla right now," Dean snapped back.

"Dean…I dun wanna add to your burden, you worry about me as it is, and you have enough to deal with…you don't need me bringing you down too."

"Sam first of all, I'll always worry bout you no matter what, and secondly you won't be bringing me down…if anything you'll be helping me cuz I'll actually know what's going on in that freaky head of yours instead of trying the impossible and guessing."

Sam let out a little smile as he looked down onto his lap where he was twiddling his fingers.

"I miss her Dean…I thought that with time it would heal, but it's been over a year and I miss her more everyday. I dunno why these nightmares are back, but they are, and they're stronger and more painful than before. Everytime I see her…burn…it's like my heart breaks all over again. And having to go back to Stanford, back to the dorms where we lived, where she…died…I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle that," Sam finished as he looked up at his brother with tear filled eyes.

Dean would be lieing if he said that seeing his brother like that didn't break his heart. It was bad enough that the demon took their mother and father, but he'd be damned if he let the demon break Sammy.

"I'll be right beside you Sammy, if you don't wanna go in we won't, we'll wait till you're ready okay."

"Okay," Sam replied with a smile of gratitude. "I'm glad you're here Dean, and I don't mean for the hunt. I'm glad you're the one who's here with me when I have to go back to the place I swore I'd never come back to. I wouldn't want anyone else here."

"Me too Sammy."

Before both of them knew it they were parked in front of the dorm rooms that Sam once used to call his place.

"Well…here we are…you ready to go in?"

"…in a minute," Sam replied as he starred at the building where he lost his only sense of a normal life. His heart was pounding faster than he knew was healthy and his hands began to tremble.

"Sammy…" Dean was standing at the front of the impala, wanting to see if Sam was okay, without crowding him.

"Yeah…let's go, I'm ready."

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"_Right on time! Welcome to the beginning of the worst nightmare of your life Sammy boy. This ought to be fun, they won't even know what hit them. HAHAHAHA"_****


	2. Chapter 2

As Sam and Dean walked into the building Sam could smell that very familiar distinguished smell that he knew could only belong to the residency apartments where he once resided.

As they reached the elevator Dean noticed that Sam had stopped a few steps behind him.

"You alright Sammy?"

As Sam stood there starring at the elevator he remembered that the elevator was the place where he and Jessica had shared their first kiss. To this day he could still remember what Jessica was wearing that night and he could still remember the way his heart was racing, and all the love and devotion he felt that night came rushing back to him. Who would have thought an elevator could have such an effect of a person.

"Uh…yeah…I'm…yeah," was all Sam could muster up to say as he and Dean stepped onto the elevator.

Dean figured that there must be a story to this but he didn't want to pry so he let it go. Instead he decided to go over the game plan with Sam.

"So, you're coming back to school and what am I again…your exchange student brother or something?"

"Yeah, you're an exchange student from Kansas State University who wants to study a semester here to experience a different college life."

"You can do that?" asked a shocked Dean.

"Yeap"

"Dude…that's so freakin' cool!

Sam couldn't help but laugh at the excitement in Dean's voice.

"It's not that amazing Dean."

"Are you kidding me! Going to a different school for a semester means new hot chicks…which means new dates…which means…"

"New chicks to randomly have sex with," Sam interrupted rolling his eyes.

"…what is wrong with you Sammy, you're such a pig…what I was gonna say was, new chicks to get to know and become friends with," Dean replied with a smug grin.

This time Sam actually laughed out loud.

"Yeah Dean, cuz the minute you see a hot girl your first instinct is to be her friend right."

"Damn straight!"

Seeing that this conversation was going nowhere, Sam continued on with the game plan.

"So remember if anyone asks you, you're studying criminology at Kansas State and you're only here for a semester."

"And what 'bout you Sam? When we end up leaving when this vision is taken care of, what are you gonna tell your friends?"

Shit! Friends! Sam hadn't really taken the time to think about that. He had been so consumed by missing Jessica and being scared to return that he completely forgot that he did have friends here who have wanted him back to Stanford since he left.

"I guess I'll just tell them that I thought I could handle coming back but in the end I realized that I couldn't."

"Yeah that should work."

"Besides, it's more than likely that it'll be the truth," replied Sam so quietly that it was almost a whisper.

Dean took a look at his brother who was now staring at the ground of the elevator.

"It's gonna be okay Sammy," said Dean as he placed a supportive hand on his brother's shoulder.

Sam looked up to smile at his brother just as the elevator doors opened on their floor. The smile was quickly wiped off Sam's face as they stepped into Sam's old hallway.

If the brothers had it their way they wouldn't even be here at Stanford let alone staying in the dorm room right across the room where Sam lost Jessica. But as usual, life seemed to have it out for these two and the only way to keep an eye on the girl who now lived in Sam's old apartment, the same girl in Sam's visions who gets burned alive, was to live as close as possible to her. They weren't really sure what the girl looked like, but they knew that in Sam's visions, whoever was living in his old apartment was going to be the target. So the plan was to settle into their place, then go acquaint themselves with their neighbours the next morning, the first one being their neighbour directly across the hall from them.

As they walked down the hallway to their apartment, which happened to be right across Sam and Jessica's old room, Sam started to feel a little lightheaded.

"Whoa easy there kiddo," Dean replied as he slipped his arms around Sam's side and took the brunt of Sam's weight. "You okay."

"Yeah," answered Sam as he steadied himself and stood upright with the help of his brother. "Nerves I guess."

"Well let's get you inside and…"

Before Dean could finish he saw that Sam was completely in his own world now as he starred at his old apartment door.

"Sammy…"Dean started as he looked at his little brother who at the moment looked no older than a 12 year old who had just lost his best friend.

"She used to walk through that door everyday Dean, we made it our home…our home away from home."

"Sammy…let's go inside, c'mon man," Dean said as he gently guided Sam into their apartment.

Once they got settled in, Sam hit the shower and Dean took that time to run to the car and grab their bags. He would've waited for Sam to come out but the last thing he wanted was for Sam to have to walk through that hallway again today or onto that elevator. When he returned with the bags he went and placed them in Sam's room.

Dean wasn't exactly happy with the fact that there was 1 single bed in each room, and they were way too big to fit on one bed. Besides, sharing a room may result in questions arising from Sam's friends and that was the last thing they needed right now. Still Dean's number one priority right now, as it has always been was to keep Sam safe, and to be sleeping in a room beside his brother where he might not be able to protect Sam was unacceptable, so Dean decided that he would sleep on the pull out sofa bed. This way he still stood between the door and Sam's room so that if anyone or anything tried to get Sam, it would have to go through Dean first, and Dean wouldn't have it any other way.

After putting their stuff away he let Sam, who was still in the shower, know that he was going to go grab them some food.

Once Sam got out of the shower he decided to call up a some friends who he thought may still be on res. He knew it wasn't the smartest idea to get close to his buddies again but if they were to find out that he was back at Stanford and hadn't let them know, there would be more questions to answer. Besides, Sam knew it be nice to see them again, like old times, before that horrible fire in his and Jessica's apartment.

The first person on the list was Jack. Jack had been Sam's best friend at Stanford. The two were pretty much inseparable, Jack used to always joke about making Jessica jealous because he took up a lot of Sam's time. Jack reminded Sam a lot of Dean, which was the main reason he found it easy to get close to him. He would never replace Dean, could never replace Dean with anyone, but the years that he was off at Stanford, Jack had almost become a second older brother.

Sam found the number in his cell phone and gave him a call.

One ring…two ring…

"Hello?" came a woman's voice on the other end.

"Um…hi…is uh…Jack there."

"Sure thing hold on a sec."

As Sam was on hold he began to feel nervous again. It's been over a year since he last spoke with any of his friends. The only one he had seen was Becky and the rest he hadn't even spoken to.

"Yelllo," came a scruffy voice from the phone.

"Still starting conversations with yello huh Jack," replied Sam.

"Who's this?"

"Two words for you…JACKL N HYDE"

"HOLY SHIT!! SAM WINCHESTER…is it really you man."

"Hey jack, how you been?"

"Forget how I've been, how you been man, where you at!"

"I'm back at school, back in res."

"Dude, shutup! Are you serious! What apartment you in?"

"204,"replied Sam, and with that admission Jack fell silent for a minute.

"204…wait…isn't that…" Jack remembered that Sam's old apartment was apartment 205.

"Yeah, just my luck eh."

"Sit tight Sam, I'll be over in 5 minutes!"

After hanging up the phone Sam decided that he would call a few of his other friends tomorrow because he needed the 5 minutes to shove all the bags with their weapons into the closet in one of the rooms. Sam was once again hiding who he really was from his friends, at least that part hadn't changed at all, and Sam didn't really know whether that was a good thing or bad.

Knock…knock…knock

Sam went to the door and opened it with a big smile on his face.

"Hey Jack!"

"It is freakin good to see you Sam!" Jack said as he grabbed Sam into a hug. "Man we've missed you here."

"Yeah…I've missed you guys too," Sam replied as smiled back at Jack.

"Um…so we planning on having catch up time in your doorway?" joked Jack.

This is what Sam was talking about, Jack being like Dean. They both had the smartass comments and the cocky attitude, and they both always…always got the girls.

Sam let out a laugh as he invited Jack in. They both went and took a seat on the couch. Sam went over to the fridge and grabbed a beer for Jack and took a Pepsi for himself.

"Here you go," Sam said handing the beer bottle to Jack.

"Thanks man, so what the hell you been up to for the past…what is now year and half? Still road tripping with that brother of yours?"

"Yeah."

"So when'd you decide to come back here?"

"About a month ago," Sam lied. "My brother, Dean, decided to go back to school as well and he's never been to Stanford so he did an exchange program and he's here for a semester now."

"You're rooming with your brother?"

"Yeah."

"That's cool, where is he?"

"He went to grab us some food, he should be back soon, you can meet him then."

"Sounds good buddy," replied Jack. "So Sam…how you been, you know with Jess and stuff?"

Sam's excitement quickly faded at the sound of Jessica's name.

"I…idunno man, I miss her…a lot."

"Dude, I'm really sorry about what happened, we never even got to talk after that, you just up and left."

"Yeah…sorry about that, I just…I couldn't stay here for another second, and my brother was here so I just left with him."

Yeah, that's cool man I understand. What the hell happened that night anyways?" questioned Jack. "If you don't wanna talk about it it's totoally cool man."

Sam thought about it for a moment, but the decided to tell Jack what happened. After all he and Jack were really close back in the day, and they seemed to have carried that on into the present day even though they hadn't seen each other in a year and half.

Sam explained what happened, Dean coming and getting him to help find their dad who had gone on a "hunting trip" and then told him of the fire when he returned to the apartment. Of course he altered the ending a lot and instead of mentioning the fact that Sam was laying on the bed when Jess's blood dripped on his face as she was pinned to the sealing, he just told Jack that the fire had already started by the time he got back to the apartment.

"Wow Sam…I dunno what to say man, I'm really sorry."

"Thanks, I just wish that…"Sam started as his eyes began to fill with tears. "I just wish that I could've saved her."

"Don't do that to yourself Sam. It was a fire dude, caused by the wires, you couldn't have done anything."

_"Wires my ass," thought Sam to himself._

Noticing Sam's silence, Jack decided to lighten the mood a little by bringing up old jokes they had played on each other and on their other friends. Sam was grateful for the change in topic and the reminiscing was actually really comforting. Just as they were talking Dean walked through the door.

"Sammy, I got us some Chinese, burgers, and…" Dean stopped as he noticed an unfamiliar face sitting beside his brother.

"Hey Dean, I want you to meet Jack."

Dean walked over to where Sam and Jack were seated and shook Jack's hand.

"So you're the infamous road tripping brother."

"The one n only," replied Dean with a grin.

"Sorry man I didn't know Sammy here was gonna invite friends or I would've brought you some food too."

"Oh don't even worry bout it dude, I just ate anyways, and I should probably get going, Liz will kick my ass if I bail on our movie night."

"Liz," Sam jumped in. "As is Liz Mackenzie, the girl you drooled over ever since we started Stanford?"

"She's my girl now Sam," stated Jack with a smug smile.

"So you did manage to make her fall for you…I shouldn't really be surprised though," laughed Sam.

"What can I say, I'm a sexy guy Sam, girls can't resist this packaging," replied Jack with a cocky grin.

"Don't bother Jack, it falls on deaf ears, I tell Sammy that all the time, about me of course, he just doesn't seem to want to understand," laughed Dean.

"Oh god, you two are like one in the same," said Sam as he rolled his eyes at both Jack and Dean.

Jack and Dean started to laugh at Sam's comment as Jack was heading for the door.

"You can learn a lot from your brother Sam…you know…the main techniques of wooing a woman, he seems like an expert at it."

"Oh god, go home Jack, trust me you don't wanna feed his already oversized ego," joked Sam.

"Dean it was a pleasure meeting you dude," Jack said as he turned to Dean.

"Right back atcha man."

"Later Sam, give me a call tomorrow, we'll meet up with the rest of the gang. Dean you come too"

"Sounds good, see you tomorrow," replied Sam.

Sam closed the door and headed over to the kitchen.

"I like that guy," Dean said with a smile.

"Why am I not surprised."

"Eat your food smartass, before it gets cold."

After the boys ate their dinner, it was pretty late and both were pretty tired from the drive up. Sam was a little more tired because he was emotionally drained. This day brought out feelings of sadness, pain, happiness, comfort, enough emotion to make anyone tired.

As Sam saw Dean pulling out the sofa bed he couldn't help but smile. From the minute they walked in Sam knew that Dean wouldn't be taking the other room because it would be harder to protect Sam. Ever since they were little Dean always grabbed the closest bed to the door so that he could stop anything from getting to Sam. Sam would've argued and told his brother to go sleep in the much more comfortable bed in the room, but he knew he would lose the argument. Dean was a stubborn man, Sam was sure of that, but when it came to keeping Sam safe, using the word stubborn would be an understatement.

Sam was the first to pass out and Dean couldn't help but smile at the turn of events of the day. Having a friend over seemed to have cheered Sam up, and he only hoped that at least for tonight the nightmares and visions would subside and let Sam have a peaceful rest.

Sam had been asleep for nearly 3 hours before Dean passed out himself. Before Dean fell asleep he noticed the smile on Sam's face, and his relaxed and calm expression…maybe this won't be as horrible as he initially feared. With that thought Dean fell asleep.

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_"This is working out beautifully. Oh Dean, if you only knew what that smile on your brother's face means for you…you will find out eventually…but by then it'll be too late"_


	3. Chapter 3

As always Sam was up bright and early and Dean was still sprawled out on his bed.

"Rise and shine sunshine!" he greeted cheerfully.

"Go away," mumbled Dean under his pillow.

"Dean c'mon dude we should get an early start on research so we can go hang out with Jack and my buddies later on."

Dean managed to get the covers off him and sat with his legs over the bed.

"Jeez, give the kid a couple friends and he's friggin' Ronald McDonald," he remarked slightly annoyed.

Sam smiled and walked over to his laptop which was lying on the table.

"Your breakfast is on the table Dean."

Dean walked over and slouched into the dining room table seat and started pigging out.

"Sammy this food's awesome dude," he blurted out with his mouth full.

"God, Dean don't talk with your mouth full."

"Why, is it grossing you out?" he played as he fully opened his mouth like a 6 year old.

"I swear you're such a friggin kid sometimes Dean," Sam started. "But that's not always a bad thing."

The last comment made Dean close his mouth and gape at his brother.

"Dude…seriously, what the hell. Not that I don't love this whole cheerful giddy attitude, but where the hells it comin from?"

As Dean looked up at Sam he would've sworn he saw him blush.

"Does this have something to do with you smiling in your sleep last night?"

Sam looked up at his brother with a bit of embarrassment.

"I was smiling in my sleep?" he asked.

"Sure were, so I take it you weren't dreaming 'bout the chick that might die or bout Jess?"

"Well I didn't dream about that girl, I haven't even had a vision about her since we were on the road, to tell you the truth it's kind of odd."

"Yeah…owell we'll just keep digging around I guess, something's bound to come up."

"Yeah."

"Ok well imma go hit the shower, when I get back I guess we'll go introduce ourselves to the girl in your old apartment," Dean said as he headed to the bathroom.

When Sam didn't answer Dean turned around to find Sam starring out the window.

"Sammy, if you're not ready to go back to your old apartment yet I understand, I can just go introduce myself, you don't have to come."

Sam turned from the window to look at his brother. To Dean's surprise Sam didn't look sad or even worried, he looked…happy almost.

"No, you need me there to recognize her, when I see her I'll know if she's the one in my visions or not. I'll be okay," he said smiling at his brother.

With that reassurance Dean headed for the shower.

Sam could hear the shower go on and he was glad to have some time to himself. He was having trouble wrapping his mind around his dream last night. It was so vivid and…real, and a complete 180 from the nightmares he'd been having for a week.

Sam had to agree with his brother that this attitude was a little odd considering yesterday all he wanted to do was get as far away from here as possible. And now, now it was almost like he felt at peace here…last night's dream sure had an affect of him.

Once Dean came out of the shower they waited a couple of hours then headed across the hall.

Knock…knock…knock…

"Maybe she's still sleeping," Dean started.

"Dean, it's just after noon, I highly doubt she's sleeping."

"Maybe her and her roommate are busy if you know what I mean," Dean insinuated with a smug grin.

Sam turned to his brother with arched eyebrows.

"Dude…seriously…do you ever have thoughts that aren't dirty?"

Dean had to think about this one for a second.

"Sure I do…they're just few and far between," he replied smiling. To be honest Dean was only trying to distract his brother from the thought of Jessica. And he knew the best way to do that was to say something "Dean-like". It was working too, up until they heard a scream coming from inside.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"What the hell," Dean started as he looked at Sam. And then a second scream came and both boys forced the door open with all their effort.

The two girls in the room turned to look at the two boys.

"Who the hell are you," asked the brunette.

"Uh…we…uh we heard screaming," replied Sam because Dean was too busy taking in the scene before him. The two girls were hugging each other and looked scared to death.

"So you thought you'd come to our rescue huh?" questioned the blonde as she was eyeing Dean.

"It's what we do, save pretty girls like you," Dean replied walking a little closer to the girls.

Sam just shook his head as his eyes rolled. Seeing that his brother wasn't planning on doing anything besides flirting the pants off of the blonde he decided to ask the questions.

"Why were you guys screaming?"

"There was…there was…o god I can't even say it, Katie you tell him," replied the brunette.

"A RAT!" screamed Katie as the rat ran across the room.

Sam let out a laugh and sighed.

"Dean it was just a rat," he said relieved as he turned to look at his brother. "Just a stupid…Dean! Dude get off the couch!"

"No way Sammy, there's a rat in here, that's friggin grosse."

_So demons and wendigos and everything else that's completely and utterly terrifying he'll face, but a freaking rat makes him jump onto a couch._ Sam thought to himself.

Once all the commotion settled Sam actually had a chance to look at the place. It was completely different, almost didn't look like his old apartment, and he didn't know if that was a good thing or bad thing. Dean glanced over as Sam was examining the room and decided to ask the girls a couple of questions to get some information, as well as to distract Sam.

"So ladies, has anything weird happened around here lately?"

"Weird as in?" asked Katie.

"Weird as in flickering lights, scratchy doors, you know, that kinda stuff."

Both girls stood there thinking for a minute until Stephanie decided to answer.

"Nope, nothing like that, why do you ask?"

"Oh…we're just wondering…we just moved in across the hall…you know, don't wanna be moving into a creepy building," replied Dean quickly covering up.

"Well you know, if you're ever scared you can always come and stay over with us," started Katie as she moved closer to Dean. Dean would've been all for the flirting session that was about to occur if he didn't see Sam starring into his and Jessica's old room.

"I hate to do this…like really hate to do this…but me and him actually haveta go meet one of our profs in a few minutes…right Sam?"

"Uh…yea...yea," was all Sam could say as he took one last look at the room.

"Sorry about barging in like that ladies, we just had to make sure you two were okay," Dean remarked with a smug smile.

"Barge in any time you want…"started Katie waiting for Dean to fill in the sentence with his name.

"Dean…the name's Dean."

"Barge in any time you want Dean," she finished.

"I'll be holding you to that offer," he said as he winked at her as he and Sam walked out the door.

When Dean didn't hear a "oh god Dean" or "you're unbelievable" coming out of Sam's mouth he turned to face his brother.

"Sammy…"

"Huh"

"You okay?"

"Yeah…yea I'm fine Dean, they changed it around so much that it didn't even look like mine and Jess's apartment anymore."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yeah…I guess you can say that."

"You sure you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good," he replied with a smile on his face.

A smile was the last thing Dean had expected but he wasn't about to ask questions. That must've been one kick ass dream Sam had last night.

When they got back to their apartment they were both confused at how normal everything was regarding this particular vision.

"Dean, I don't get it, so no flickering lights, no noises, there's nothing man, and I haven't even had another vision about her since the first one, which was about a week ago."

"I dunno man, maybe it's a trick."

"Trick as in how?"

"Well maybe the demon wants us to believe that there is no threat, and then when we give up on the case he'll strike."

"But why hasn't he done that before, I mean with all the other visions I've had, we've stopped most of them from happening, so why wouldn't he have done it then?"

"I dunno Sammy, this is seriously messed up…I guess we just wait it out and see."

"Yeah…"

Just then the phone rang and Sam went to answer it.

"Hello"

"Hey Sam, it's Jack, are you guys still down for hanging today."

"Of course man."

"K cool, come meet us at Parker's Café."

"Alright, we'll be there in a few minutes," Sam said as he hung up the phone.

"Dean you still wanna go out with my friends right?"

"Sure, not like I have anything better to do here anyways."

Both boys put on their coats and headed out.

**At** **Parker's Café **

As the boys entered the café, Sam looked around for his friends.

"WINCHESTER!" cam the simultaneous roar from a table in the corner.

Dean couldn't help but smile at the ridiculously large grin Sam had plastered on his face as Sam and Dean headed to the table.

When they reached the table all of Sam's friends got up to give him a hug.

"We missed you so much," replied Tonya as she kissed Sam on the cheek.

"O man I missed you guys too, it's so good to see all of you, by the way this is my brother Dean."

Dean smiled at Sam's friends and exchanged handshakes with the guys. There were about 6 guys n 5 girls there.

"Sam you never told us you had such a hottie for a brother," Larisa said as she eyed Dean.

"He's just embarrassed he's not as good looking," replied Dean with a cocky grin.

"And he has a mouth…mind if I sit beside you here Dean?" asked Larisa smiling.

"Not at all sweetheart."

"O god, you two get a room," laughed Sam as he rolled his eyes.

As they sat there talking Liz, Jack's girlfriend approached the table and sat down beside Jack.

"Liz, baby, this is my bestfriend Sam….Sammy this is my girl Liz."

Dean felt uneasy having someone else refer to Sam as their "bestfriend" and hearing somebody else call his little brother Sammy, and it was quite visible by the way Dean looked up at Jack and the hurt he had in his eyes. This didn't go unnoticed to Sam and he immediately spoke up.

"It's Sam! How many times do I have to tell you that Jacky," joked Sam and he saw Dean ease up a bit.

"How come he gets to call you that then?" Jack asked pointing at Dean.

"Big brother advantages," replied Sam as he playfully elbowed Dean.

"O yeah, what about best friend advantages Sammy!" replied Jack.

_For god sakes stop calling him Sammy, and stop using that word "best friend",_ thought Dean.

"Sorry Jacky, calling me Sammy ain't one of the perks."

"You're a party pooper, Samuel!" retorted Jack as he put Sam in a headlock.

Dean watched the exchange of affection from Jack and he couldn't help but get jealous. He was happy for his brother, he really was, but it hurt to experience first hand the life that Sam had when he left him, and it hurt like hell to see how close Sam and Jack obviously were or...are.

The next hour was spent on everyone catching up with Sam and seeing what he had been up to. Sam was having the time of his life, but Dean, well Dean would've rather been somewhere else. It was like he was invisible, even Larisa had moved so she could be closer to the conversation. Dean really could care less that all these other people barely realized he was there, but the fact that Sam hadn't looked his way in god knows how long, that hurt more than getting beaten up by some supernatural monster.

The whole time that Sam was away at college Dean always wondered what it would be like to be a part of Sam's college life, to get to know his friends and see what he had been up to.

What they were doing now, catching up with Sam's friends, reminiscing about things that they had done at Stanford, the stupid things that they pulled, Dean always thought this is what it would be like if he ever went to visit Sammy at Stanford, but he never imagined that it would hurt this much. Seeing the joy on his brother's face did make him happy but it broke his heart at the same time. Sam had had an amazing, normal life, with friends and pranks and jokes, and Dean was happy for him, he only wished that he was part of Sam's life at that time.

Dean was okay with not having friends, or the normal life, he had accepted it when he was 4. He was okay with it because he always had Sam, his little brother and his bestfriend, the only friend he needed, but Dean was starting to realize that Sam probably didn't feel the same way.

The last straw was drawn when Jack, who had gotten up to go grab the food, came back and sat right between Dean and Sam. Sam didn't notice this because he was too busy taking a trip down memory lane with his buddies, but Dean noticed it. He also noticed how Jack had his back to him while he was talking to everyone; it was as if Jack was shutting him out on purpose, so that he could have Sam to himself.

_God Dean get a grip will ya! Stop making shit up and stop being sucha damn baby…so your brother has friends…big deal…you should be happy not jealous!_ Thought Dean to himself, but he couldn't help feeling hurt.

Dean decided that the best thing to do would be to let Sammy catch up with his friends while he went back to the apartment, not like he was doing any talking anyways, they probably even forgot he was there.

"Hey Sammy, imma head back to the apartment, unpack some more of our stuff," Dean said as he got up.

"You sure Dean?" asked a worried Sam, he had noticed his brother's silence the entire time but was too wrapped up with his friends to talk to Dean about it.

"Yea dude, I'm sure I'll just see you back at the place k."

"It was great meeting you guys," Dean said as he got his jacket.

"You too," several of them replied.

Jack walked Dean out and told him a shortcut to get back to their apartment.

"We'll all hang out again soon man, and don't worry Dean we'll take good care of Sammy here," replied Jack.

_Stop calling him Sammy!!!_ Dean just wanted to yell, but he kept cool and simply smiled.

Dean didn't take the shortcut that Jack suggested and instead decided to walk around campus for a bit because, well, he needed to clear his head, and he needed to cool off.

_You knew Sammy had friends Dean, you knew he had a life outside of you, so stop letting it bother you, this is as close to normal as he gets, let him have it! _Dean was trying to find any way to make the hurt go away, but it just wasn't working.

_No wonder Sam wanted normal…no wonder he wanted this more than he wanted staying with me and dad._ Thought Dean

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" _Oh Dean, you're making all this way too easy for me. Bold, noble hunter, can't even keep his emotions in check. I could end it right now, your life that is…but your pain…o0o0o your pain is just too appetizing, and there's more headed your way big brother. I plan on draining you Dean Winchester, draining your soul before I take your life, or should I say, before your precious little Sammy hands you over to me! "_


	4. Chapter 4

When Dean arrived back at the apartment he had managed to somewhat convince himself that he was being stupid before when he was jealous of Sam's friends. It still hurt him to know that he wasn't apart of that part of Sam's life, but in true Dean fashion he shoved that hurt down to a place inside of him that was guarded by steel walls.

He decided to unpack more of their stuff, since he really had nothing better to do.

**Parker's Cafe**

It had been an hour since Dean had left and Sam had felt bad every minute since. Finally it got to the point where he just couldn't take it anymore and told his friends that he should go back and help Dean unpack, much to his friends' dismay.

"It's not really fair to make him do all the unpacking, especially when I possess all the muscle outta the two of us," Sam joked, not wanting to tell his friends the real reason why he wanted to go back.

"Sammy c'mon dude, you've spent the past year and half with the guy, this is our time to hog you," replied Jack.

"You're acting like I'm leaving tomorrow Jack," Sam said with a smile. "I'll catch up with you guys later alright."

Sam got up and headed over to his and Dean's apartment.

When he got there Dean was sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Unpacking huh Dean?" Sam said as he made his way over to the couch and caught Dean by surprise.

"Jesus Sam! For a freakin giant you walk like a mouse. And for your information I was taking a break."

"Ah huh," Sam replied eyeing Dean. Sam didn't know how to bring up what happened at Parker's Café and how Dean just left, so he thought he'd just be straight forward.

"Dean I'm sorry about back there…you know if you felt left out or whatever."

Dean studied Sam carefully for a brief second and could see that the kid was truly sorry and did feel really bad, which relieved him and frustrated him. He hated Sam feeling guilty but he was relieved that his brother cared enough to actually notice.

"Don't sweat it dude, it's just gonna take some getting used to…you know, you having friends and all," Dean tried hiding his emotions.

"Dean…you know nothing will change with us right, just cuz I hang out with them."

At that Dean knew he'd have to come up with some smart ass remark or his emotional wall was about to come crumbling down.

"Easy there Sammy, don't go getting all emo on me now. It has nothing to do with that," lied Dean. "I'm just usually the popular one you know, getting all the attention, now I find out I gotta share the glory with my kid brother…that's a hard pill to swallow Sammy."

Sam let out a laugh as he stood there both disturbed and amazed at how fast Dean could hide his true feelings behind some smart ass comment.

"Whatever man, I've always been way more popular than you," snapped Sam back.

"Keep telling yourself that Sammy boy, whatever helps you sleep at night dude," replied Dean with a cocky grin.

When Dean uttered those words Sam began to have flashes of the same dream he had been having night after night for the last couple days. A smile appeared on his face as he remembered that wonderful and amazing dream.

"What's with the goofy looking smile on your face geek boy," joked Dean.

Sam took a minute and contemplated whether or not to tell Dean about his dream. In the end he realized that he wasn't ready just yet. He needed to figure out what this dream meant, and the last thing he wanted was for Dean to worry about him.

"Nothing," lied Sam. "Dean, what do you say we order some take out a watch a movie here, I'm starving and I kinda wanna watch a movie."

"You're not going out with your friends tonight?"

"Nah, I've seen em a lot today, and it feels like ages since we've watched a movie."

"Sammy…" Dean felt a little awkward because he thought that his brother was doing this to make Dean feel better. "We really don't have to dude, you can go out with your friends if you want."

"I'm too tired Dean," Sam replied. It wasn't a complete lie, he was a little tired, mostly he just wanted to spend some time with his brother. "I'd rather just stay in tonight."

"Fine by me." Dean was secretively relieved. He wasn't used to sharing his brother with other people.

The boys spent the night watching old Godzilla movies and eating Chinese. It was a good night, a relaxing night that both boys desperately needed.

They went to bed pretty late, getting caught up in the excitement of Godzilla, and both boys immediately passed out once their heads hit the pillows.

That night Sam had another one of his dreams.

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_Sam was walking through the university grounds, it was a bright and sunny day. He was taking in the scents of the natural air when he heard a voice, a voice that he recognized in a heartbeat…Jessica. Sam almost got a whip lash turning around to see where Jessica's voice was coming from. When Sam looked behind him and didn't see anything, his heart sunk as he realized he was probably just imaging it. _

_And then he heard it… _

_"Sam." _

_Sam was slow to turn around this time, the voice was directly behind him, and his slow reaction was due to the pain he would feel if he turned around and she wasn't there. But then he turned around, and there she was. _

_"J..j...jess." Sam was at a loss for words as tears began to well up in his eyes. _

_"Hi Sam," Jess said with the most angelic smile that Sam had since…well since he last saw Jessica. Jess started to laugh, "You planning on kissing me or standing there and starring."_

_ Sam moved closer until he was right in front of her. He couldn't believe his eyes. He ran his hands down her arm, touched her face, her hands, and then just stood there starring into her eyes as he let the tears freely fall down his face. He then grabbed her into a passionate kiss and a strange but familiar sensation flowed through his entire body. He didn't want to stop kissing her. _

_"God Sam I've missed you." _

_"Jess…I d-don't…I…I don't even know what to say, how…god…" Sam could barely form a sentence. _

_"I take that as a you've missed me too," chuckled Jess._

_ "Missed you?...Jess… when you…A part of me died with you that night, I'm so sorry I couldn't save you." Tears began to well up in Sam's eyes again. _

_"Don't Sam, don't do that, it wasn't your fault." _

_"Yes it was, I should've protected you, I should've been there!" _

_"Sam don't do that to yourself, it's not your fault, if you were there the demon would've killed you too!" _

_"No, I could've---wait…did you just say… demon?" Sam was shocked. Had he heard right…did Jess know. _

_"I know Sam, I know everything now, I know about what you, your brother and your dad do for a living...I know about your mom."_

_"I…I…"Sam was at a loss for words. All the times he thought about telling her about his life, about hunting, about his mom…all the times he played it out in his mind, this definitely wasn't one of the scenarios. _

_"Why didn't you ever tell me Sam?" _

_"It's not exactly something that's easy to tell the girl you want to marry…o I love you, by the way I hunt demons and vampires and other things that go bump in the night." _

_Jess let out a laugh. "Yeah I can see how that would be difficult, but it was me Sam, I would've understood, as crazy as it may have sounded to me, I would've believed you…stood by you."_

_Sam didn't know what to say. He stood there starring at her, wondering how he ever got so lucky to win the love of such an amazing girl, the perfect girl. _

_He always thought that she might understand, but hearing it come from her…he started to feel a mix of joy and deep sorrow. What if he had told her earlier about his life before her, would he have been able to save her then? _

_"Sam stop" _

_"Huh, stop what?" _

_"You're over thinking again, even if you told me about your life you don't know that you could've saved me, from what I've learned these demons get what they want." _

_Sam almost forgot how well Jess had known him. _

_"They don't always get what they want Jess. Me and my brother, we stop them from getting what they want…well at least we try. Jess…what's going on here, I mean don't get me wrong, seeing you…being with you, I don't wanna be anywhere else, but how are you here?" _

_When Jessica didn't answer Sam began to panic. _

_"O god…o god…this a dream, just a dream…" Sam was pretty sure he was starting to have a panic attack. _

_"No…Sam…calm down, it's not a dream," she said as she placed her hands on his face. Her touch was always enough to calm him, and just like before he started to calm a bit. _

_"What do you mean?" he questioned, looking into her eyes, not wanting to let her out of his sight. _

_"Well it is a dream, but it isn't." _

_"Jess, I can't let you go again, I won't." A sincere smile spread across Jess's face. _

_"You may not have to Sam." _

_Sam stood there dumbfounded. _

_"I know this is going to sound absurd, and completely ridiculous, but…you can bring me back Sam." _

_"…w-wha-t?" "Sam I know about the deal your dad made to save your brother…it would kind of be like that but you won't have to make a deal, but you can bring me back, I mean look at the things that happen in your line of work…it's not completely farfetched right." _

_"Jess…" "Dean will know how to help Sam…you have to talk to him, together I know you guys can find a way to bring me back." _

_"Jess, it's been almost 2 years since…" Tears began to well up in Jess's eyes. _

_"I thought you'd want this Sam, we could be together again." _

_"Of course I want it Jess, more than anything! I was gonna ask you to marry me Jess! Of course I want you back…it's just, I don't know if this is real." _

_"Do you love me Sam?" _

_"Of course I do!" _

_"Do you trust me Sam?" _

_"With my life." _

_"Then please believe me when I say this, you can bring me back, you'll need your brother's help, you won't be able to do it without him, but together, you'll be able to bring me back." _

_Sam was speechless yet again. All he could picture was a life with Jessica again, like he had always planned. _

_"I know it sounds crazy Sam, but I overheard two spirits talking about it once, that if someone knew what they were doing, that they could bring a person back from the dead." _

_Maybe it's not so crazy, dad brought Dean back…so why couldn't he bring Jess back. His heart began to beat quickly, his heart pounding, adrenaline running through his whole body. He could have Jessica back, him and Dean could bring her back. _

_"I'll bring you back Jess, I promise I won't stop until I do!" _

_"Oh Sam! I love you so much, we can finally be together again, we can have the life we always wanted, I've missed you so much Sam," Jess said as she ran into his arms, tears running down her face. _

_"I love you so much Jess, god I have so much I wanna tell you!" Sam said as he couldn't hold back the tears._

_"You'll have a lifetime to tell me Sam, and we'll have a lifetime together." _

_Sam was going to bring her back, one way or another, no matter what he had to do, he knew he had to bring her back…he just had to. _

**The Next Morning**

For the first time in a long time, Dean was actually awake before Sam.

"Dean...what are you doing up so early?" asked a weary yawning Sam as he stretched his insanely long arms.

"Early? Dude it's 11:30am."

"What! 11:30, why'd you let me sleep in so late?"

Sam was always one to get a head start in the morning, it was his prime time to do research.

"Idunno, i just figured research and work could wait a few extra hours."

Sam couldn't believe what he was hearing. Dean was always one to put work above everything else. After seeing Sam's "Are you feeling okay?" look Dean decided he should justify his remark.

"What! You haven't had a vision since we were driving down here, and nothing else freaky is going on besides a rat infested apartment across us, so I figured the sleep wouldn't hurt anyone."

Sam was grateful that Dean let him sleep, who knows if he would've been able to finish that conversation with Jess if Dean had woke him up. Sam decided not to press the issue anymore and just be grateful, and instead decided to pick at his brother's exaggeration of the rat situation in the apartment across the hall

"Dean there was one rat; I would hardly call that rat infested."

"Well who's to say that rat didn't have babies in there," that thought made Dean's stomach turn. "Oh god...baby rats...I think I'm gonna be sick."

Sam couldn't help but laugh at the utter disgust on his brother's face. It always surprised Sam how Dean could handle supernatural things but just the thought of a rat made him want to puke.

"Dean, you're something else you know that."

"I know, I'm quite amazing aren't I," Dean replied flashing a charming smile.

"Yea...amazing wasn't exactly the word I was going for," shot back Sam.

"Whatever princess, eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

Sam ate his breakfast as Dean sat at the table going through local newspapers, looking for any possibly case.

After eating his breakfast, Sam ran into the shower. While in the shower, Sam was trying to figure out the best way to tell Dean about his dream, and about his plan to bring Jessica back; well not so much a plan just yet, but his goal. He realized the only way to bring it up would be to just be straight forward about it, they had always been straight forward with each other, and he knew Dean would understand. After all, Dean all but admitted to Sam that he had thought about making a deal with a demon to bring their dad back, so he would understand Sam's intent to bring Jessica back.

After Sam got dressed he stepped back out into the living room where Dean was sitting still scouring local newspapers. He didn't know why he was so nervous to talk to Dean about his dream and Jess, but his stomach was all in knots. The anticipation of what his brother was going to say, mixed in with the excitement that the thought of having Jessica with him again brought, made his hands shake like a life.

Sam hid his shaking hands in his pocket as he approached Dean.

"Dean..." but before Sam could finish Dean jumped in.

"Sammy, have you had anymore of those visions?"

"No, not about the girl burning, not since we were in the car like you said."

"That's messed up dude, since when do your visions just disappear?" Dean questioned, clearly as a rhetorical question. "I mean don't get me wrong I'm glad you're not having them anymore...it's just weird, even for us."

"I know...and I don't know Dean, but I'm not complaining. Maybe something changed the whole balance of things, and hey, if I'm not having visions about her burning anymore then maybe nothing's going to happen."

"Yea...maybe," Dean replied. Dean had no idea what was going on but he knew it wasn't good. He had a bad feeling about this, but decided to keep it to himself...at least for now.

"Sammy, what is it?"

"Huh?"

"Dude spill, you have that look on your face...the look you have every time you're dying to tell me something."

"I don't have a look like that," replied a sheepish Sam. Sometimes he was embarrassed at how awful he was at putting a mask on, but at the same time he loved how his brother knew him inside and out.

"Sam, you've had that same look, every time you've desperately wanted to tell me something, since you were 5...now spill."

Sam couldn't help but smile, "_Dean will understand, he'll help me get her back"..." Here goes nothing"_

"Well..." Sam started. _God this is harder than I thought! _"I uh..."

"While I'm young and beautiful if you don't mind Sammy!" joked Dean. Sam let out a laugh.

"Kay, well remember how you said I was smiling in my sleep and stuff?" Sam probed.

"Yea..."

"Well, it's cuz I...well...I've sorta been seeing Jess in my dreams lately...like everynight."

Dean was all ears at this point. All his attention was on his little brother and the words coming out of his mouth.

"And I take it that these are good dreams of her, since you're smiling and all in your sleep."

"Yea," smiled Sam as he remembered Jessica's face. "Really good dreams."

"Well that's good Sammy, it sure beats the nightmares."

"Yeah," Sam had to think really hard about how he was going to tell Dean the rest of it. "That's not all of it though, I don't just see her in my dreams...we sort of um, talk and..." Sam trailed off trying to find the proper words to tell his brother.

"And...?" questioned Dean.

"Well, last night, when I was speaking to her, she told me something...something huge."

Dean waited patiently for Sam to continue, but Sam seemed to be at a loss of words.

"Dude, you're not gonna make me guess are you, cuz we could be here forever."

Sam let out a laugh. "No, no, I just...I want to find the right way to tell you."

"Tell me what Sam?" Dean was curious now, but for some reason had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Well...Jess she uh," Sam looked up at Dean. "She told me that we could be together again...that I...that I could bring her back with your help."

And there it was, that bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, Dean stood there dumbfounded just starring at his brother, for once in his life he was speechless.

"Dean, say something." Sam was desperately seeking support from his brother, he needed Dean to believe him...support him,

"Sammy..."

"Dean I know it sounds crazy, but I mean you came back from the dead Dean, why would it be impossible for Jess to come back to."

_Wow this is not happening, _thought Dean. The hope in Sam's eyes broke Dean's heart. He could see how badly Sam wanted this, so how was he going to tell Sam it was probably not possible.

"Sammy, I was dead for a couple minutes before..." It was still hard for Dean to bring up their father, especially in that context, but he needed to continue to get through to his brother. "Before dad gave his life for mine. Jess has been gone for almost 2 years Sam...there's a big difference."

"What difference?" questioned Sam. "Just because she's been gone for 2 years doesn't mean that we can't bring her back Dean."

"How are you gonna bring her back Sam! Dad gave HIS LIFE for me...who's life are you gonna sacrifice for her! And don't you even think about sacrificing yourself, cuz I swear to god I'll tie you to a chair if I have to."

"We won't need to sacrifice anyone Dean, we'll find another way to bring her back, we'll come up with something, it's US Dean, we can do it." Sam was determined, he was going to convince his brother one way or another.

"Sammy..." seeing that this was going nowhere, Dean decided to see if he could pick something out in the dream that could prove to Sam that it wasn't Jess. "What exactly did Jess say to you in your dream?"

"Well she said she missed me, and we talked a lot, caught up... she knows about what we do Dean, and she's okay with it!" replied an ecstatic Sam. "She said she understands what we do and that she loves me and accepts me just the way I am."

Dean's heart was being torn as he listened to the false hope his little brother had. That twinkle in his eye that had been gone since Jessica died was back, and it broke his heart to know that he was going to be the one to take it away again.

"She said that we could be together again, I was sceptical at first too Dean, but then she made me see. Dad brought you back, you almost brought dad back...it's possible Dean! For once this job we do can be used in our advantage, to get something we want! She said I could bring her back, but that I wouldn't be able to do it without you. She said that you and me together, we could bring her back."

"Sammy..."

"Dean we can bring her back, we can!"

"Sammy...I'd give anything to bring her back for you...but idunno how realistic that's gonna be kiddo."

"Realistic? Dean since when does anything we do fall under the category of realistic?"

"Sam it's just...it just all seems too good to be true you know. Coming here because we think a girl is going to die, then the girl being completely fine and your visions being gone. And now Jessica...it just, I hate to say it Sam, but you have to keep in mind the possibility that yellow eyes is behind all of this, and that the Jessica in your dreams...that she's just a pawn of yellow eyes, an illusion." Dean could see each word pierce Sam's heart, it killed Dean to say those things, but he had to look out for Sam above everything else.

"NO! It was Jessica! I think I'd know Dean! She was the love of my life, when she hugged me...kissed me...it wasn't an illusion and it wasn't yellow eyes...it was her, I just know it was!"

"Sam, look, you're blinded by how much you love her, and I get it dude, but just at least consider the fact that this could all be a big hoax, and some master plan of yellow eyes to screw us over somehow...all your visions are always tied to him."

"No! You're just over thinking everything like you always do...this wasn't a vision, it was just Jessica, Dean, I know it."

"Sammy, listen to me..."

"No Dean you listen to me! You'll jump at the chance to bring Dad back from the dead, but I try to bring my girlfriend back and you're all of a sudden against it."

"What? No , Sam, you know that's not how it is! I'm just looking out for you."

"Well stop it! I'm tired of it, I'm tired of you lookin out for me, I'm tired of you always trying to protect me from getting hurt, it's my friggin life, just let me live it for once!"

Sam didn't know where this was coming from, he wished he didn't say it after seeing Dean flinch away. But Sam couldn't keep the anger at bay, he didn't mean to take it out on his brother, and a part of him knew that Dean could be right but all he could think about was getting Jessica back.

Dean took a moment to collect himself after Sam's little tirade.

"Sammy just think it over...like really think it over, it's gotta be a trap!"

"IT'S SAM! And what's there to think over...I need her back, it's all I can think about now, and I don't care if it's a trap if I can bring her back...I'll do anything to get her back."

"Well screw that, I'm not letting you put yourself in harm's way because you think you can get her back."

"And who the hell says you get to call the shots?"

"I do! I'm your big brother, and I say we're not going!..Sam please...just trust me on this one."

Something snapped in Sam and before he could take it back the words spat out.

"Trust you Dean! Trust you? Last time I trusted you when it came to Jess I left her behind for a couple days and look what happened! I lost her Dean, all cuz you made me leave her alone and vulnerable!"

And there it was. Dean stood there speechless as he held up the walls inside of him with every bit of strength he had. He always felt guilty for Jess dying, believing that if he had never come back maybe Jess would've lived. Dean had guilt but he could live with it, he just stored it somewhere deep with all the rest. But to hear his baby brother blame him for the death of his girlfriend was saying that Dean was the cause of all the pain and suffering that Sam went through after her death, and that...well that just tore at his soul. Dean couldn't feel any smaller or any less worthless then he did at that moment.

Sam continued on with his tirade, he didn't know what was coming over him, and quite frankly he didn't even know what was exactly coming out of his mouth; he wanted to stop yelling at his brother, he could see Dean trying so hard to mask the pain and keep those walls up, and Sam didn't know why but he just couldn't stop.

"I should've known you wouldn't help. And you're not looking out for me; you're looking out for you! You just don't want her in the picture because you're scared that she'll take me away from hunting and I'll go back to my other life and leave this pathetic and miserable excuse for a life behind!!" Sam yelled.

Dean flinched at the ferocity of his words and his voice. He just stood there starring at Sam. The Sam he devoted his entire life to, sacrificed everything for, loved more than life itself, and the same Sam that was just bashing him and making him feel like the scum of the earth. He had tried everything, everything to make Sam's life as bearable as possible for him, and he thought he was doing a pretty good job, that is…until now.

_"How can he think that, his happiness and safety are the most important things in my life," thought Dean._

"Forget it, some big brother you are!" said Sam as he stormed out.

Wow, that one stung Dean. _Some big brother you are._

Dean stood there defeated and crushed. He never knew his brother thought so low of him...just another person to add to the list of ones I've somehow dissapointed, thought Dean.

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_"Bravo Samuel! I'm impressed! You're making this way easier than I ever imagined...and don't worry, you'll get your life Samuel...and I'll get Dean hahaha"_


	5. Chapter 5

Dean cringed inwardly as he heard the door slam. _What the hell had just happened_ thought Dean. All he was trying to do was protect Sam from possibly falling into a trap. "Possibly"…that word right there was the culprit. He had no proof it was a trap, all he was going on was a gut feeling, and the gut feeling was enough for him, but apparently not enough for his little brother.

Still, Dean knew that if the roles were reversed and their dad had come to him in a dream, he'd probably stop at nothing to bring his dad back too. But that would be his risk and he would be okay with that, he knew he was being a hypocrite but he couldn't let Sam risk his life to bring Jessica back…because god forbid if it was a trap and he lost Sam…well that was a thought he's rather not dwell on.

He understood Sam's anger, he really did, but it didn't make what Sam had said, hurt any less.

He had heard the hope in Sam's voice _Dean we can bring her back, we can_ He heard the same hope he had heard countless times when they were younger and Sam had needed Dean to fix something or do at something. The only difference was that Sam had wanted Dean to fix his bike or climb up a tree to free his kite from the branches...not bring back a dead girlfriend.

Still, Dean hated the feeling of letting Sam down, but most of all he hated the resentment in Sam's voice, and he hated the fact that he was right when he thought that Sam blamed him for Jess's death...that one stung...he had failed Sam yet again. Dean felt lost at that moment and he went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer, hoping it would take away that hollow feeling he had inside.

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Sam cringed inwardly as he slammed the door. A reaction often not expressed by the person who does the slamming.

He was angry, no doubt about that, but he wished he hadn't said those horrible things to Dean. He could see the hurt in Dean's face and he didn't know why he had said those things. He didn't blame Dean for Jess's death, not one bit, he had said it out of spite in the heat of the moment to get back at Dean for not standing by him. He never meant for it to come out as harsh as it did, not that you could really blame someone for a death without sounding harsh. And the miserable life thing, god why did he have to say that.

And the last thing he said before he slammed the door, "Some big brother you are"...oh god, he was glad he didn't turn around to see the hurt in Dean's eyes, because that...well that would surely haunt him forever. Sam knew he didn't mean it, Dean was the best big brother he could've asked for, and he really, really hoped that Dean knew that too.

He knew that Dean was just being Dean and looking out for him like he always does, but just this once he wanted Dean to trust him, trust his gut feeling instead of his own, althought Dean's is often right, _although_ t_here was that time with Gordon though, Dean's gut feeling was sure wrong on that one...but then again he wasn't in his right mind_

Sam knew that he should go back in and apologize, because he was sure that Dean was ripping himself apart inside after all the things that Sam had said, but he decided to take a walk and cool off first, Dean would still be there when he returned.

As Sam walked down the hallway to the elevator he started to think of ways to try and convince Dean to at least check out the possibility with him. Maybe after Dean's had a chance to cool off as well and process everything that Sam had said to him about Jess, maybe then he would have a change of heart. Sam knew it was a long shot, but he didn't care, he had to get Dean on board...he just had to.

As Sam got into the elevator and pressed the button marked "G" for ground level, a sharp pain shot through his head and everything went blurry. He was having a vision...no doubt about it.

_"Sam..."_

_Sam didn't recognize where he was but he definetly recognized that voice._

_"Jess..." he replied as he turned around. Ok so maybe this wasn't a vision...or was it?_

_"Hey sweetie, can you help me open this jar?" asked a very live and healthy Jessica._

_Sam stood there dumbfounded. __This can't be a dream...I'm in an elevator...that's somehow turned into a...kitchen._

_"Jess...what's going on?"_

_"Well I can't get this stupid jar open, I swear sometimes I think I underestimate my own strength when I close these," laughed Jess._

_Oh god, it was so good to hear her laugh. Sam still coudln't understand what the hell was going on._

_"Jess you can't...you can't be here, I haven't even..." Sam just stood there starring at her._

_"You haven't even what Sam?"questioned a concerned Jess._

_"I haven't..."_

_"Brought me back yet?" finished Jess._

_"Yeah...wait...what!? How do you know about that."_

_"Sam, sweetie, we've been through this already, you brought me back months ago."_

_Now Sam was completely and utterly lost. This had to be a vision of the future...but this was...well this was just weird even for him._

_"What?! When?!"_

_"After your fight with Dean, you went to Los Angeles with Jack and..."_

_"Why'd I go to L.A?" interrupted Sam._

_"Idunno, you didn't tell me much about it but you said that you went to L.A. because they had what you needed to bring me back."_

_Sam stood there...as he had done countless times in the fast few minutes, just starring at Jess, unable to even begin to comprehend what the hell was going on and where he was._

_"So let me get this straight, you're back, we're together, and you know I brought you back?"_

_"Yeah, Sam."_

_"We're really together!?" repeated Sam, needing reassurance. "Oh god, if this is a vision of the future, this is my proof for Dean!...Speaking of Dean, where the hell was he?"_

_"Wait...so where's Dean?" Sam asked looking around._

_Jess stopped dead in her tracks and looked at Sam in disbelief. After a moment she walked over to him and placed her hand on his chest, and Sam could've sworn he saw saddness in her eyes._

_"Sweetie, it's happening again, I think you should go rest for a bit."_

_"What? What's happening again?" questioned Sam, but before he could get his answer he was back in the elevator, though this time on his ass instead of his feet._

Sam picked himself off the ground and tried to wrap his mind around what had just happened and what he had just seen, and one thing kept ringing in his head, _Los Angeles/_

_I have to tell Dean, we need to go to LA_

Sam was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't even see the elevator doors open on the second floor as Jack came in with a suitcase.

"Sammy?"

"Jack, where the hell you off too with that?"

" L.A."

_...you went to Los Angeles with Jack_. Jess's words kept ringing in his head, _god this is way too weird_

"L.A. as in Los Angeles L.A?" asked Sam knowing full well how ridiculous that question sounded.

"Uh yeah...I don't know any other L.A... do you Sammy?" joked Jack.

"Why're you going there?"

"My sister's having a baby, and I promised her I'd be there for when he's born. My mom called earlier today and said that my sister's probabaly going to have the baby sooner than expected, so I'm rushing out there."

"Wow, I never knew you had a sister Jack," replied a puzzled Sam. How could he have known this guy for 2 years and not even know he had a sister?

"Well yea, we sorta...we sorta had a falling out when I left for Stanford, sorta like you and your family," replied Jack.

"Oh...I'm sorry,"said Sam sympathetically knowing full well how painful fallouts with your family can be. It had been so long ago but the memories were still rawn in his mind.

"Don't be, we're all good now...she even wants to name the baby after me!" exclaimed an excited Jack with a huge grin on his face.

"That's great man," replied Sam with a smile.

"So, where you headed Sam?"

Sam stood there silent for a minute..._you went to Los Angele with Jack_. What the hell, thought Sam

"I'm a...actually I was planning on heading out to L.A. myself."

Jack's jaw just dropped.

"You're kidding right Sam?"

"No, I'm serious, I have something to pick up over there." Well it wasn't a complete lie, he was going to pick something up, he just didn't know what that something was exactly.

"Well why don't you come along Sam! Dude we can road trip...Oh man Sammy, we'd have such a blast, it be just like old times!"

Sam couldn't help but smile at the excitement in Jack's voice.

"I'd love to Jack, but I've got some stuff I gotta sort out with my brother first, and I don't wanna keep you waiting, I'll just take a bus out there tonight."

"The buses aren't running this week," blurted out Jack. "Some sort of strike or something."

"Really? That's really weird cuz I could've sworn I saw one on our way here," replied Sam.

"Must of been a local bus, the buses running out to L.A. are haulted until further notice."

"Huh...just my luck huh!" _Maybe this is why I end up going with Jack._

"Looks like you're road tripping with me!"

"But Dean..."

"Don't worry about him Sammy," Jack butt in. "Just call him from the car...and besides you'll grab what you need from L.A. and head beack here. It's a 5 and half hour drive, you can be back here tomorrow morning before he even wakes up."

_He does have a point. But I can't just leave without saying bye to Dean, especially with the way we left things._

When they reached the ground floor, Jack stepped out with his luggage.

"You coming Sammy?"

"I uh..." stumbled Sam, he really didn't know what to do.

"C'mon Sam, you're not a kid anymore, your brother doesn't need to know where you are every minute of every day!"

"Yeah, but I should really say bye...we didn't exactly leave off on a good note when I left the apartment a bit ago, and besides I don't even have anything with me."

"Don't worry bout that, you can borrow some of my clothes and anything else you'll need...you'll only be gone one night. Look Sam, I'd wait for you to go and say bye but I really gotta beat the traffic dude...is this thing in L.A. important to you?"

"Very...very important," answered Sam.

"Well then, I think you have your answer Sam!"

Sam stepped off the elevator knowing full well that this was not going to go over well with his brother, and he really needed to apologize to Dean but Sam really didn't see a way around it though. Either he stay back and risk the chance that Dean doesn't change his mind, which would mean no car to go to L.A...or he goes with Jack and deals with Dean's wrath in the morning.

Right now the latter seemed like the best idea. He felt bad leaving without even apologizing...but Dean should know that Sam didn't mean anything he said and Jess...this could be the key, well _is_ the key, according to Jessica. And he'd explain everything to Dean when he got back. Dean would understand...well he wouldn't at first but after, when he tells Dean that he knows how to bring Jessica back, then he'll understand...well at least Sam hoped he would.

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_Thanks for leaving Dean alone Sam! This is almost too easy...Dean won't know what hit him...literally! MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH_

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Sam starred out the window at the passing trees with a mix of emotions stirring inside. Guilt over everything he had said to Dean and leaving without even telling him, excitement over the possibility finding what he needs to bring Jess back, curiosity as to what it is that will bring her back, anxiousness because he had no idea what to even start to look for once he got to L.A., and last but not least he missed his brother…riding shot gun next to someone else on a long trip just felt wrong, so many times he'd look over and see Dean in the driver's seat but soon realized that it was Jack. He really wished Dean was here, he wished that they were doing this together.

"Earth to Sammy!"

"Huh," Sam turned his head to face Jack.

"Where the hell were you just now, I said your name like 5 times dude."

"Oh…sorry, I think I should call Dean," replied Sam.

"Man Sammy, you and that brother of yours…you two are like inseparable now huh?"

"He's my brother." _And my bestfriend_.

Jack just let out a laugh.

"What?" questioned Sam.

"Nothing," answered Jack looking at Sam.

"Dude what!"

"It's just…Idunno you didn't even mention you had a brother for like an entire year, and now…it's just weird to see how close you are to him," Jack replied as he moved his eyes from the road to Sam, then back to the road.

"Well if anyone should know how it is, it's you Jack. It's sort of the same thing with you and your sister, I mean hell, I didn't even know you had a sister till a couple hours ago!"

"Yeah…I guess, but me and her aren't inseparable like the too of you."

Sam was a little confused, Jack almost sounded bitter.

"Yea well, Dean's all I've got now."

"I'm surprised…I kinda thought you'd hate him after Jessica."Sam's neck immediately snapped to face Jack.

"What?"

"Well you know, I mean if he hadn't come back and taken you away for that weekend you may have been able to get her out before the fire consumed your whole apartment."

Sam sat there in utter shock. He knew that Jack was always outspoken, but to say something like this…well that was blunt, even for Jack. He really wanted to sock him in the face in that moment for even thinking of blaming Dean for Jess's death…and then he remembered that he had done the exact same thing just hours ago to Dean's face.

"It's not Dean's fault, we had a family emergency and Dean needed my help, what happened was an…accident…it's not Dean's fault."

"Yea, but still…"

"Dude! There's no but's, it wasn't Dean's fault in any way, end of story…and what's it to you anyway man!" Sam interjected.

"Whoa, easy Sammy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you man, I was just saying…"

"Well don't, you no nothing about Dean, he's the best big brother anyone could ask for!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," replied Jack clearly seeing that he had just managed to piss Sam off.Sam sighed and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Jack, I didn't mean to snap like that, I'm just pissed off at myself right now, I said some pretty horrible things to Dean before I left, things I didn't mean at all…I just really need to talk to him."

"Well then, give him a call, I gotta call my sister anyways."

"Oh and Jack, when you're talking to my brother, please don't bring up that fact that I didn't tell anyone I had a brother my first year of Standford," Sam said as he starred at the ground ashamed. "I just wasn't in a good place at that time, and I just, I don't wanna hurt my brother's feelings."

"Sure thing Sam!"

"Thanks," replied Sam smiling at Jack.

They both took out their cell phones and made their phone calls.Sam scrolled down his list of contacts until he hit Dean's. He hesitated for a moment, not really wanting to tell Dean where he was, and that he had left without him. He wasn't sure if Dean was going to be more pissed or hurt, and frankly he hoped to hell that Dean would just be more pissed.

Sam pressed the call button and held the phone to his ear. One ring, two rings…

"Sammy!"

"Hey Dean."

"Where the hell are you man you've been gone for over 3 hours!"

"Yea…I know, about that…"

"Look Sammy…I'm…I'm sorry okay, for snapping at you, I just…just come back to the apartment and we'll figure it out okay, I promise not to freak out again, we'll figure out what the hell's going on.

_Oh god, I was an ass and Dean's apologizing…he wants to help…shit why did I leave without him, I should've known he'd help…_

_"_Dean…first of all, I'm so sorry for everything I said to you, you know I didn't mean any of it right?" asked Sam hoping to here a "yea Sam I know"

Silence, not a word from Dean but he could hear Dean breathing.

"Dean you know that right?"

"Sammy, just get back here okay and we'll figure everything out."

_Oh god, Dean thinks I meant everything I said…how the hell am I supposed to tell him that I'm on my way to L.A_.

"Dean…I…can't exactly-uh-come back- right now," stuttered Sam.

"Look man, you're angry at me I get it, just come back and I promise I'll listen this time."

As if Sam wasn't feeling guilty enough, this conversation was doing a world of wonders.

"No Dean…I like, can't…I'm uh…I'm sort of on the road."Silence again.

"What do you mean you're on the road, you don't even have a car," replied Dean breaking the silence.

"I know, I'm uh…I'm with Jack…on my way to…L.A." Sam held his breath as he said the last part.

Silence…

"Dean? Are you there?"

Sam could hear Dean's breathing and he could tell that Dean was either really pissed or really hurt…or both.

"Dean, I can hear you breathing, say something man," Sam pleaded.

After what seemed like hours to Sam, Dean responded.

"What do you want me to say Sam?" said Dean. His voice was low and Sam hated that.

"Idunno, yell at me or something! Look I'm sorry I know I should've told you I was leaving, I just…I'll explain everything when I get back I promise, I just need to go to L.A. to get something, I'll be back by sunrise I swear."

Sam held his breath as he waited for his brother to say something back. He was really hoping that Dean would yell at him for not telling him, but he really wasn't ready for what came next.

"I guess I should be used to this huh?" replied Dean in a low voice as he let out a sad snicker, not realizing that he had just voiced what he had meant to only keep in his own head as a thought. When he realized what he had just said he was quick to get off the phone before he blabbed more emotional stuff out and showed more vulnerability and hurt. "Just be careful Sammy…I'll see you in the morning."

And with that Dean hung up the phone. Sam sat there with his cell in his hand. _I guess I should be used to this huh?_ Wow, Sam didn't know what to say. The hurt in Dean's voice spoke volumes and Sam felt like complete and utter crap. At least if Dean had just yelled at him, he could take that, but a hurt Dean…that killed Sam.

"You alright Sam?" came the voice beside him. Sam just kept starring at his phone as if he was willing it to disappear.

"Yea…"

"I take it that call with your brother didn't go so well?"_I guess I should be used to this huh?..._God, that kept repeating in Sam's head.

"I don't wanna talk about it," replied Sam as he slumped down in the seat and starred out the window.

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Dean placed his cell phone back on the table and slumped down in the chair. _Why does Sam always do this…why does he just leave like that_… Dean could never imagine just up and leaving his brother because he was mad, but apparently for Sam, it wasn't a problem.

Dean didn't like to admit it, but every time his brother just up and ditched him, it hurt. It hurt the time Sam left for Stanford, it hurt the time Sam left for California to look for his dad, and the time Sam left when Dean told him the secret…and it hurt now.

He'd never tell Sam that though. Truth was, Dean was getting accustomed to it, it didn't make it hurt any less, but he was getting used to it. Hid dad did the same thing when he was alive, leaving whenever he felt like, and coming back whenever he felt like.

_Suck it up Dean, get over it!_ He thought to himself. _Enough with the pity party_. And with that Dean took all the hurt he felt and shoved it deep down inside him behind those massively thick walls he began to build when he was 4.

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They had been on the road for 5 hours, and were getting close to L.A.

"Hey Sam, I was gonna ask if you wanted to stay with us, but my sister said the house is a complete mess because everyone's getting ready for the baby."

"That's cool man, I can just stay in a motel," replied Sam. _I practically live in motels anyway_.

"Thanks bud, I'll come by and bring you some clothes, there's a motel about 10 minutes from my house."

"Alright."

A half an hour later they arrived at the motel and Sam checked in.

"I'll be back with some clothes in about 45 minutes, kay Sam? I'm just gonna go drop by the hospital and see my sister first."

"Yea, don't worry bout it, there's no rush," replied Sam with a smile.With that Jack, pulled out of the parking lot and headed down the street.

Sam went into his room and locked the door behind him. He didn't even know where to start. He was in L.A. and had no idea what the next step would be.He figured that he should probably go somewhere where there's a computer so he can do some research…even though he didn't know what type of research he'd need to do. Wow, he really hadn't thought this through. Sure Jess said the key to bringing her back was in L.A…but Sam had no idea what the key was, or where to even begin.

Sam decided that the first thing he should do is go find some food to eat because he was starving. He walked outside and saw a burger joint just across the street and decided to go there.He walked into the burger place and sat at a booth. He pulled his phone out and scrolled through his contacts until he reached Dean. He really wanted to call Dean, but he didn't think he could handle hearing the hurt in his voice again, so he shoved his phone back in his pocket and ordered a sandwich.

By the time he got back to the motel, Jack was already there with a bag of clothes.

"I thought you weren't gonna be back for a bit?" asked Sam.

"Yea, I just though I'd drop these off first then go see my sister."

"Oh okay, well thanks a lot Jack, seriously man, for the ride, the clothes, all of it."

"No problem Sammy, you're my boy, it was my pleasure! But hey, I probably won't see you for a couple weeks cuz I'll be out here, but if you're gonna end up staying longer than a night down here, let me know and I'll see if we can arrange for you to stay in the house with us."

"Thanks Jack, I'll let you know," replied Sam with a smile, as Jack got in his car.

"Oh and tell your sister I say congrats!"

"Will do!"

Sam walked back to his room, kicking some rocks on the way in. _What the hell do I do now_…

Just as Sam entered the room, he began to feel a little light headed, and then it happened again. The same pain he felt in the elevator shot through his head, and just like that time, everything went black and he was back in the same room as Jessica.

_"Hey sweetie, can you help me open this jar?" asked a very live and healthy Jessica._

_Sam stood there dumbfounded. What the hell is going on, I've already had this vision._

_"Jess..."_

_"I can't get this stupid jar open, I swear sometimes I think I underestimate my own strength when I close these," laughed Jess._

_This was weirder than the last time it happened. But this was his chance, his chance to ask her what the hell it was that he got from L.A._

_"Jess, you know when I brought you back, what exactly did I get in L.A. that helped me bring you back." asked Sam as he took the jar from Jessica and loosened the lid._

_"Um ok random," replied Jess. "Where'd that come from?"_

_"Jess please, just answer the question, it's important."_

_Jessica heard the seriousness in Sam's voice and thought long and hard about her answer._

_"Well, you didn't really wanna talk about it but you mentioned some sort of potion and a spell…I'm not too sure sweetie, you and Dean were really hush hush about it, and I just never really asked._

_Perfect…Dean! Dean will know, I'll just go ask him._

_"Okay well, Dean will probably be able to answer that question better…where is he?" Sam asked looking around._

_Jess stopped dead in her tracks and looked at Sam in disbelief. After a moment she walked over to him and placed her hand on his chest, and Sam could've sworn he saw saddness in her eyes._

_"Sweetie, it's happening again, I think you should go rest for a bit."_

_"What? What's happening again?" questioned Sam._

_This was the exact spot his vision cut off last time, but this time was different, it wasn't cutting out and Jessica was about to answer his question._

_"Sam…"_

_"Jess, what aren't you telling me," Sam was beginning to get worried now. _

_"Nothing...are you sure you wanna go see your brother?"_

_"Of course I'm sure," Sam said a little more relaxed now. _

_"Okay, let me just grab my jacket and we'll go," replied Jessica with a smile._

_Jessica came down the stairs and handed Sam the keys._

_"We have a car?" asked Sam excitedly._

_Jess let out a laugh. "Sam you really need to get some sleep."_

_"Later," replied Sam. "First I gotta talk to Dean."_

_So they got in the car and started driving. Sam soon realized that he had no idea where he was going. He figured Dean probably had his own place, since he clearly didn't live with them, but he had no idea where that place was._

_"Jess, I um, I can't exactly remember how to get there."_

_Jessica looked at Sam, and he could tell that she seemed really worried._

_"I'm a guy Jess, I've got horrible memory," joked Sam._

_That made Jessica ease up a bit._

_"Take a left at the next lights, and then a right at the lights after that."_

_So Sam did as Jessica said._

_"And well, obviously you know from here, turn in here." _

_Sam looked at the sign well above the car hood. _

_Palo Alto Cemetery..._

_"What the hell," thought Sam. "Who the hell's Dean visiting at this Cemetery?" _

_As far as Sam knew there was no one buried here that they knew._

_They parked the car and got out. Jess seemed to know where she was going so he just followed her. They walked past several headstones until they came to a stop. Sam looked around and couldn't see Dean anywhere._

_"I don't see Dean, Jess," replied Sam as he moved his head from left to right, back to front, looking for his brother. _

_"And who'd he come to visit here anyways?"_

_Sam didn't miss Jessica's reaction to that question, she looked as if she had just seen a ghost._

_"Sam…Dean's right in front of you," she said as she took his hand._

_Sam's eyes immediately shot down to the tombstone in front of him.Sam's heart stopped as he read the engraving on the tombstone.Dean Winchester, loving brother and son, January 24, 1979- November 12, 2006._

_Sam was sure he had stopped breathing, as he collapsed onto the grass. He could hear someone screaming, "NOOOOOOOOO"…and it only took a few seconds to realize that it was his screams, his agony that he was hearing. _

Next thing Sam knew he was flat on his ass in the motel, panting and breathing heavily. He was too stunned and horrified by what he had seen, to realize the tears coming down his face.

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It had been a couple hours since Dean got off the phone with Sam, and he had started to do some research on the apartment building that they were staying in. He was following up on Sam's first vision, the one that made them come out to Stanford in the first place. He wanted to see if there had been any electrical surges, any unnatural weather, lightning storms, anything to suggest that the yellow eyed demon was around.

Dean decided to take a little breather and order some pizza. He was starving and he needed some fuel. He looked through the directory and found the closest pizza place.

As he waited for the pizza he pulled up some recent news paper articles on the internet. Nothing really stood out or grabbed his attention. _This case just keeps getting weirder and weirder,_ thought Dean. There was nothing in there to suggest that anything supernatural was going on, or had been going on since Jessica's death.

Dean spent the next 10 minutes surfing the web looking for something…anything, to lead him in the right direction. Finally, after going through several articles, Dean found something. An article that had reported flashing lights in this building for weeks before Dean and Sam had got there. Finally something to go on! Just then Dean heard the knocking at the door. _"Wow they weren't kidding when they said speedy delivery!"_ thought Dean with a smile. He got up and grabbed his wallet and headed to the door.

As he opened the door, twenty dollar bill in one hand and his wallet in the other, he froze as he saw in front of him, not the pizza guy like he had expected, but someone else.

_Jack_…but before Dean could say anything he saw the end of a baseball bat headed straight for his head and couldn't move away in time. He collapsed to the floor as the bat made contact with his head, and everything went black.

**TBC- next part up tomorrow ******** let me know what you guys think so far**


	6. Chapter 6

Dean could feel his head throbbing and he could actually hear it thump. He lay there trying to recollect the thoughts to figure out what exactly happened. _"Kay Dean, what do you remember last?" _Dean thought for a minute, he remembered hearing a knock at the door, and getting his money out for the pizza guy. He remembered opening the door and seeing…_"Jack!...That son of a…"_ Dean knew that his gut instinct about Jack had been right all along. And then a frightening thought occurred to him, what if Jack was possessed? The last he spoke to Sam, he was with Jack…so where the hell was Sam! What if Sam was hurt…or worse…_"No, don't go there, if he wanted Sam dead he would've done it before Sam called me. So first step, get yourself out of here and then go find Sam."_

Dean could feel something heavy holding his hands behind his back and his feet together. He could feel the cold floor beneath him and he could only figure that he was in some sort of basement or warehouse and that his hands and feet were chained. But why the hell was everything dark? He couldn't feel anything over his eyes. _"Open your eyes genius!" thought Dean. _Dean couldn't help but laugh at his own smartass comment as he slowly opened his eyes.

He immediately regretted laughing as a massive headache hit. _"Note to self, try not to be so funny, your head can't handle laughing right now." _That thought alone made him want to laugh but he held back. You know you've been in some pretty bad situation in your life when you're tied up in a warehouse and can still find ways to amuse yourself.

Dean scoped the area out and he could tell he was definitely in some sort of warehouse, a massive warehouse to be precise. The chains on his hands and feet were heavy and he had a feeling that getting out of these wouldn't be that easy. Especially since he was sure he had a pretty bad concussion since the room was now spinning a little and the boxes, which were located 20 feet in front of him, had all of a sudden become one big blur.

Once his vision became unblurred again, he looked around to see if there were any exits or escape routes, sure enough all he saw was wall, wall, and more walls. "_Well that's just friggin fantastic! Sure wish I could walk through walls right about now."_ That thought brought a smirk to his face. "_Walking through walls, now that would be a wicked gift to have." _He thought as he mused to himself._ "God, focus Dean!" _Dean's head snapped to the left as he heard a door open from that side. _"Kay there's an exit on the left, keep that in mind."_

Dean watched as someone emerged from the shadows.

"Well, well, look who decided to wake up," mocked Jack as he stepped towards Dean with black eyes. Dean's theory was confirmed, there was a demon inside Sam's friend.

"Where the hell is Sam!"

"He's safe in L.A., I didn't touch your precious little brother, I actually need him alive and well," replied Jack, much to Dean's relief. Dean would've questioned the demons reasons for needing Sam safe, but right now his head was throbbing and all he cared about was the fact that Sam was safe and unharmed.

"You know Dean, daytime is not a good time for naps," continued Jack.

"I'll try and remember that the next time some freak smashes a friggin' baseball bat over my head!"

"Now, now Dean, there's no need for name calling, let's try to be civil here," Jack said smirking.

Dean let out a laugh.

"We can be civil alright, right after I get these chains off and I kick your sorry little ass all the way back to hell," replied Dean with a matching smirk.

"Well that would be a neat little trick," mocked the demon as his boot connected with Dean's abdomen, sending a whole new sense of pain as Dean curled up in the fetal position. Dean held in the scream as the last thing he wanted to do was give the demon anymore satisfaction.

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Sam sat on the floor with tears streaming down his face, trying to understand what he had just seen. "_Dean…something's wrong, I've gotta get back"_

Sam jumped off the ground and wiped the tears with his sleeve. First thing Sam did was flip open his cell phone and call Dean.

One ring…two rings…

"C'mon Dean, answer damnit!"

Three rings…four rings… "You've reached Dean, leave a message."

"Damnit," cursed Sam. He tried calling Dean one more time, but he got voicemail again. _"Kay, get a hold of yourself Sam, this is no time for a panic attack, Dean's in trouble!"_

This thought seemed to fuel Sam's brain and he realized the first thing he'd need to do is get a ride back Palo Alto. The only thing he could think of was to call Jack and see if he would let him take his car back to Palo Alto, and bring it back later.

So he tried Jack's cell phone and he had the same outcome as when he had called Dean. _"God, they both pick the perfect time to not pick up their damn phones," thought Sam angrily. _He tried Jack again but nothing. And then a thought occurred to him. Jack always bragged about how he had such a cool last name and that no one in L.A. had the same last name as him, because it was a name his great grandfather had made up.

Sam grabbed the local phone book from the cupboard under the phone and looked for the name "Wrizleman". Sure enough there was only one Wrizleman listed, and it was under Tom Wrizleman, and Sam remembered Jack mentioning one time that his dad's name was Tom.

So Sam picked up his cell and dialled the number.

One ring…two ring…

"Hello?" came the soft voice on the other end of the phone, had to be Mrs. Wrizleman. _"Finally someone who picks up their phone!"_

"Hi, um can I speak to Jack please?" Sam asked politely.

"I think you have the wrong number son."

Sam was confused for a second, was he so panicked that he accidentally dialled the wrong number?

"Is this the Wrizleman residence?" asked Sam.

"Sure is."

Okay, so he did have the right number, maybe she just didn't hear Jack's name properly

"Um, this is Sam, I'm one of Jack's friends from Stanford, we just drove down here a couple hours ago from Palo Alto. He mentioned that he needed to come down to visit his sister because she was having a baby, and I needed to come here for something, I was just wondering if he was there, because I've tried him on his cell but he's not picking up," Sam replied anxiously.

There was silence for a couple of seconds.

"Sweetie you must have mistaken my Jackie for another Jack. I don't have a daughter, Jack's our only child, and we haven't heard from him in weeks."

Sam's heart began to beat faster.

"Mrs. Wrizleman, I know this is gonna sound like an odd question, but does anyone else in L.A. have your last name?"

"Nope, just our family, my husband's grandfather changed his last name, and well he pretty much just made it up," chuckled Mrs. Wrizleman.

And then it all started to hit him. _"Oh God…this means that…SHIT THAT WASN'T JACK!"_

"Thanks for your time Mrs. Wrizleman, sorry to bother you," replied Sam and was quick to get off the phone.

_"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…if that wasn't Jack then…shapeshifter or he's possessed. The visions, the dreams…it has to be a demon, so he must be possessed. Kay Sam think! How are you getting back to Palo Alto? Jack said the buses…oh crap, that's probably a complete lie too, son of a…okay still, buses won't run until the morning. You could always hitchhike…but then again with my luck I'll get picked up by someone who drives 20miles an hour. Think Sam think!"_Sam was pacing now, back and forth, back and forth. _"Rental car! That's it, go rent a car!"_

Sam grabbed the fake ID he had brought with him and headed out the door. He got a cab and headed to the closest car rental place.

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Dean had curled out of the fetal position and was now back to laying on the ground with his back against the wall, facing the demon.

"So what's with the chains?" questioned Dean. "I thought you demons liked to do the whole "pinning people against the wall" with your freaky mind control crap."

"That's my father's thing, I prefer chains…I go for the dramatics," replied the demon with a sadistic smile.

Dean took a minute to process what he was hearing.

"Your father?"

"Yeah, you know, the one that ripped you apart from the inside out a couple months ago," laughed the demon.

The memories began to suddenly fill Dean's mind of that horrendous night. He could still feel his insides being torn to shreds and he could taste the blood that filled his mouth. It had happened months ago, but the memories were still raw in his mind, although he never admitted that to Sam, not even to himself. Dean took his eyes off the ground and narrowed them at the demon.

"You're father's yellow eyes?"

"His name is Hazazel!" replied the demon affirmatively. "And yes, he's my Father, and our leader. Oh, and my name is Azeel by the way."

"I really don't give a rats ass what your name is, why the hell didn't you kill me when you had the chance…why bring me here?"

Dean was curious now, it's bad enough that demons are involved, but the yellow eyed demon, or should he say, Hazazel, was involved somehow, this was bad, really, really bad.

"All in good time Dean, my Father will be here soon, I was just ordered to bring you here."

"Ordered huh? So you don't do any thinking for yourself?" mocked Dean, knowing full well how ironic that statement was.

"You're one to talk Dean, but I guess now you have no choice but to make your own choices huh, considering how your father's burning in hell." A sadistic grin crossed Azeel's face.

Something snapped in Dean. "SHUTUP YOU SON OF A BITCH! DON'T TALK ABOUT MY DAD!" yelled Dean as he struggled against his restraints. The yelling really didn't do wonders for his concussion and he could feel the chains digging into his skin.

"Testy, testy Dean, you know, you should really tame that anger of yours, it'll be the death of you one day. And for your information, this whole plan…it was my idea…see unlike you Dean, I do have a brain of my own."

"A brain I'm gonna smash when I get outta here!" yelled Dean.

Azeel stood there looking down at Dean, and with a nod of his head he lifted Dean off the ground so that he was suspended in mid air. _"This won't be fun," thought Dean, anticipating either a blow or being tossed._

"Not if I smash yours first!" replied Azeel as he tossed Dean across the warehouse. Dean's head connected hard with the concrete wall and he collapsed to the ground in a heap, letting oblivion take over once again.

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Sam was headed down the interstate now at full speed. "_Watch out for cops, last thing you need is to get pulled over."_Sam was wreaked with emotion. How the hell had he and Dean not known that Jack was possessed! Demons _are_ good at what they do but him and Dean are supposed to be better! And Dean, _"I've gotta warn Dean before it's too late."_Sam had no idea where Jack, or should he say, the demon, was. For all he knew he could be back in Palo Alto…with Dean. _"No, no, he's not, stay cool Sam, just get back to Palo Alto, let Dean know everything and the two of you can go hunt that demon down."_

Sam was mentally beating himself up for not realizing that Jack was different. The way Jack had tried to blame Jess's death on Dean, and how he seemed bitter at the fact that Sam and Dean were so close. Even at the Café when Jack had came and sat right between him and Dean and turned his back to Dean. None of that went unnoticed to Sam, he just didn't think much of it at the time because he was too excited to be with his friends again.

After the initial shock, questions started to bombard Sam's mind. How long has Jack been possessed? Was it yellow eyes possessing him or someone else? Where was he now? Why did he not kill Sam? God knows he had all the time in the world to do it. And then Sam had a frightening though. "_If the demon hadn't wanted to kill me, then he had lured me away from Palo Alto so that…so that Dean would be by himself…with no…no backup. Oh god." _Sam quickly grabbed his phone and dialled Dean again.

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Dean slowly started to open his eyes, as he came back to the land of the conscious. He really wish he hadn't though as he felt a sharp pain run from his thighs all the way up to his head. His abdomen felt like it was on fire and he was pretty sure he had at least one broken rib. He figured once he was out, Azeel, had probably come over and beat the crap out of him, because he had been throw into walls and had had his ass kicked enough times to know which one causes what sort of pain. And well this…this was definitely a mixture of them both.

He realized that Azeel had thrown him exactly to the opposite side of the warehouse than where he had initially been placed. _"Okay so, now the exit is on my right." _Dean had also had his ass kicked enough times to train his mind to stay sharp even after taking a beating.

"You know Dean," started Azeel as he stepped from the side. "For a hunter, you sure pass out a lot."

"Well, next time why don't you throw me into some pillows, I promise not to pass out then," retorted Dean with a smirk. He was in pain, a lot of pain, but he'd be damned if he let the demon see that.

Azeel let out a laugh.

"How are those ribs feeling Dean?"

"For someone who thinks I have anger issues, you should really look in the mirror," retorted Dean. "I mean kicking my ass while I'm unconscious, that's pretty pathetic don't you think. You scared I might kick your ass if we were even strength?"

"You…kick my ass?" Azeel let out a monstrous laugh that actually sent chills down Dean's spine.

"Yea, let's go, just you and me, no chains, I'll even let you pretend that you're Mohammed Ali!"

"My Father did say that you were famous for your smart ass remarks." Azeel had to admit, this Dean Winchester kid was holding up to be everything he had heard about. It was kind of amusing, it was going to make ripping him apart even more fun.

"It's one of my many talents," replied Dean, trying very hard to keep the pain at bay. "Along with kicking demon ass!"

"I don't see any demons here with their asses kicked, do you?" mocked Azeel. "The only person I see with their ass kicked is you Dean."

"Yea well, you knocked me over the head with a bat and then chained me up, not exactly a fair fight there."

"Well," started Azeel as he moved out of Dean's peripheral vision and behind some boxes. "I don't exactly do fair, if you haven't noticed already."

From the corner of his eye Dean could see Azeel approaching him, with what seemed to be…_"Oh god, that stupid bat again. Okay Dean, brace yourself."_

With that last thought Dean started to feel the metal bat smashing into his body, it felt as if Azeel had five bats instead of one and was smashing Dean into little bits with all five. His body jerked violently with every hit and he was sure that he could hear bones breaking, and he could no longer hold in the screams. Dean was pretty sure his body was going to give out again but then he heard his cell phone ring.

_"Save-d by…the…r-ring." thought Dean. _His eyes were still closed because the pain was too much to handle. His body felt like it had just been run over by a truck, that then decided to reverse and run over him again. He was in so much pain that he wasn't even wondering why his cell phone was ringing or where it was, he could hear himself panting and gasping for air, and he really wished that sweet oblivion would take over once again, well that was until he found out who was on the other end of the phone.

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One ring…two rings…. _"C'mon Dean pick up you phone!"_

Three rings…four…and someone picked it up.

"Oh thank god, Dean listen to me, Jack's possessed, he's been possessed all along, I'm heading back to L.A. but I won't be there for about another 4 hours or so. Keep your eyes open for Jack okay, I think he might come for you."

Sam was in such a panic to fill Dean in on what was going on that he didn't even realize that Dean hadn't jumped in to say anything and he continued to talk.

"Don't do anything stupid like going out to look for him ok! Just wait till I get back and we'll find him together."

When Sam finished his last sentence, that's when he began to realize that Dean was being awfully quiet.

"Dean…Dean are you there, did you just hear what I said?" Sam asked waiting for an answer while gasping for breath because he had just managed to say all of that in a matter of 5 seconds.

Silence, but Sam could hear someone breathing.

"Dean! Can you hear me?" Sam was getting worried now, why wasn't Dean responding? And then his worst fear was confirmed.

"I heard you loud and clear Sammy boy!"

Sam froze and his heart started to speed up.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY BROTHER!"

"Easy Sammy, I see your brother isn't the only one with an anger problem," mocked Azeel.

"WHERE IS HE, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO HURT HIM…" Sam started but was cut off.

"He's still alive at least, you can be thankful for that, but he won't be for much longer. Come to the abandoned warehouse, that you and Jacky boy once went to, and come alone…you bring anyone else, and I'll kill him."

Sam was panting now, for someone who didn't know what the situation was they would think that Sam had just ran a marathon. "_He's still alive at least" those words kept echoing in his head. "Shit…that means Dean's hurt…"_

"I wanna talk to Dean, I wanna hear for myself that he's still alive!" Sam was holding his breath in hopes that the demon would do as he asked, knowing full well how slim his chances were.

To his shock the demon agreed.

"Fine! Talk to your precious big brother."

Azeel bent down and held the phone to Dean's ear.

"Dean…Dean are you okay?" Sam knew he sounded like a baby but he couldn't help it, he was worried, Dean was in a warehouse with a demon…alone.

"S-S-am-my." Dean hated how weak he sounded but he had to tell his brother not to come.

Dean's voice was nothing more than a whisper and Sam cringed inwardly at how weak his brother sounded.

"_Oh god he doesn't sound good"_

"Dean hold on I'm coming to get you!" replied Sam as he held onto the phone so tightly like he was somehow trying to grab Dean through the phone.

"S-ammy no don't come…ARGHHHHH." Dean curled up and started to gasp for air as Azeel's boot connected with his broken and bruised ribs again.

"DEAN!" Sam could barely breathe. "_Oh God…Dean."_

"Well that was very rude of Dean," replied Azeel as he stood back up with the phone.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM…LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Sam yelled frantically.

"See you in a couple hours Sammy…you may wanna hurry up…giving me 4 hours with your brother…can you just imagine all the wonderful ways I can torture him!" Azeel let out a callous laugh and hung up the phone.

Sam was left panting, and scared out of his mind. He was going to pull over because he really thought he was about to have a panic attack, but he had no time for that. _"Pull yourself together Sam! There's no time to be a baby, Dean needs you, and every second he's with that…demon…drive faster!!!" _With that thought, Sam pressed his foot on the petal with full force and flew down the interstate.

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Azeel left Dean laying there coughing up blood, and entered another room in the warehouse.

He picked up the bowl filled with blood and dipped his finger in and started to turn his finger around in a circle.

"Father, he's on his way, he should be here in a few hours."

Silence…

"Yes Father, it will work, I have some more work to do on Dean, but by the time I'm through with him, he'll be asking Sam to let him go."

Silence…

"Yes Father, Sam will do as we want, I have a way, he'll give Dean to us."

Silence…

"I know Father, I know how important this is, I won't let my vision come true, we won't let Dean Winchester shoot you in the heart like I saw in my vision."

Silence…

"Sam will agree to it Father, we'll give her back to him, and we'll say that we'll leave them alone…and we will, but eventually Sam will be so consumed over grief over his brother's death and knowing that it's his fault, that grief will soon turn to guilt and anger…and then he'll turn…without even realizing it, he'll turn and when he does, he'll join us…it's like that saying these human's have, "to kill two birds with one stone", that's what we'll be doing Father.

Silence….

"If Sam doesn't agree to it, we'll just kill them both, you said it yourself that Sam's expendable, if he doesn't choose the way we want him too, they'll both just die, but he will Father, you'll see, he'll choose her."

Silence…

"Yes father, Dean Winchester will die tonight."


	7. Chapter 7

**K guys so I'm going to apologize in advance because chapter 8 won't be up for a couple days. This is all I've written of the story so far and I've had midterms so I haven't had the time to write more. With that said, I'm hoping to have Chapter 8 up by Friday, but I can't make any guarantees, sorry.**

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Sam was flying down the interstate, going about 100miles/hr. He was never one to excessively go over the speed limit but he figured, given the circumstances, that he was well within his rights to do so this time.

He kept beating himself up for not knowing that it wasn't Jack, and all he could think about was Dean…Dean alone with Jack, well the demon possessing Jack, and what his last words were to him _"…you may wanna hurry up…giving me 4 hours with your brother…can you just imagine all the wonderful ways I can torture him"_

Sam quickly looked at his watch, it had only be 20 minutes since the demon had hung up on him.

"God, why can't this stupid this fly!" yelled a flustered, worried, pissed off Sam.

Sam was no longer sticking to venting inside his head, he was full out yelling now. He realized that it made him a little calmer to be yelling, as ironic as that was. Right now, Sam had one goal and one goal only…well actually maybe two; get to Dean and not to get pulled over by the cops for speeding. The latter was probably really important in order to reach his first and most important goal.

Just then, Sam saw a road sign up ahead. _Palo Alto 300 miles. _

"God 3 more hours…hold on Dean…please…"

The last couple days kept replaying in Sam's head. Them arriving at Stanford, him seeing Jack, well at least who he thought was Jack, seeing all his other friends again, him and Dean unpacking, Dean walking out of the café, him and Dean fighting, his visions with Jess, him leaving to L.A., and finally the conversation he had had with Dean. "_I guess I should be used to this huh?" _God that ate at him.

And then he remembered something that Dean had said to him about his vision about Jess. _"I hate to say it Sam, but you have to keep in mind the possibility that yellow eyes is behind all of this, and that the Jessica in your dreams...that she's just a pawn of yellow eyes, an illusion."_

Sam swallowed the big lump that had formed in his throat as questions started to bombard his head. _Could Dean have been right? Could all this be one big plan? Were the visions a part of a huge plan to catch me and Dean? But if so, why? Why now? And if they weren't real, how did Jess warn me about Dean dieing? Better yet, why would she warn me? What the hell is going on?_

Sam wished he had the answers, and he wished he had his brother beside him instead of at the mercy of a damn demon. Sam was starting to believe Dean's theory that this was one big trap for them, but he wasn't completely losing hope on the possibility of getting Jess back. But right now he couldn't think about Jess, or traps or demons, he had to get to his brother, and that's the only thing that mattered to him.

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Dean saw Azeel leaving into another room, and he took that time to get himself together. He slowly picked his aching body off the ground and positioned himself so that he was sitting on his ass with his back to the wall and his chained up feet sprawled in front of him. It took him a few minutes to even get his body to a sitting position because the bruised and broken ribs almost made him pass out twice while trying to do so. But finally he managed to sit against the wall.

It wasn't the most comfortable position, considering his hands were chained behind his back, but it would have to do for now, he wasn't exactly in a position to complain about his seating arrangements. He was coughing up some blood, but it wasn't as bad as he'd had it before so he wasn't worried too much, unlike being at the mercy of a demon or better yet, yellow eye's son, well now that, that was something that worried him a bit.

Dean's whole body ached, all the way from his head to his toes. He tried to wiggle his hands and feet to see if he could get the chains to loosen but he did it to no avail. And considering the fact that he had a couple broken ribs and every time he moved even an inch they felt like they were hanging loosely in his stomach and rubbing up against one another, he was surprised he could even move, although he knew his attempts were pretty futile.

Dean was really curious as to why the demon hadn't killed him yet, and why it hadn't killed Sam, not that he wasn't grateful or anything, just curious. Dean had been doing this job long enough to know when something big was about to go down, and this day, no this week, had all the makings of a disastrous day of epic proportion. He had this pit in his stomach and this feeling in his gut that this was going to be one hell of a night, and he just hoped that they would make it out of here in one piece, and if not him, at least that Sam would.

Dean could see Azeel coming out of the room, and he prepared himself for another round of ass-kicking, him being the one who got his ass kicked of course.

Azeel came and stood over Dean's frail, beat up body.

"Comfy Dean?"

"Quite, I've got a presidential suite right here," replied Dean with the Dean Winchester smirk.

Azeel let out a snort. He definitely had the wit his father had told him about.

"So how's your precious little Sammy been doing since you took him away from Stanford and away from his life?" asked Azeel coldly pulling the comment out of left field.

This caught Dean's attention as he whipped his head up.

"It's Sam! And he's been fine!" snarled Dean.

Azeel had a twisted smile on his face as he continued.

"Is that so…is that why he's been having these nightmares and visions about his dead girlfriend?"

Dean's face contorted into confusion and then into understanding. He had been right all along, yellow eyes, well yellow eye's son was behind it all.

"You…you planted those in his head didn't you."

"Well, I can't take full credit, my Father did help."

Dean's gut sunk a little lower at the mention of yellow eyes. "_Of course he's involved in this, all of Sam's freaky visions are tied to the yellow eyed demon."_

"What the hell do you guys want? I mean if you wanted us dead, we'd be dead already, so what the hell are you waiting for!" Dean wanted answers, and he wanted them now.

"Like I said Dean, all in good time. My Father will be here soon, and so will Sammy, and then you'll find out."

This wasn't good, this wasn't good at all.

"What about those visions he had before we got here, of the girl burning?" questioned Dean, almost certain at the answer he was going to get now.

"Oh her, yeah she was bogus. Well she's real as you saw, but we have no use in killing her, we just needed that to get the two of you here to Stanford."

Dean didn't know what to say. He had a feeling that all of this was a big trap and now to have his suspicions confirmed, well he'd gloat that he was right if the circumstances were different. The one time he wanted to be wrong!

"So Dean, Sammy blames you for Jessica's death huh?" Azeel couldn't contain the excitement in his voice. He hadn't even planned for this one and Sam had done it all on his own.

"How did you…" Dean began, but was cut off.

"I see everything…I hear everything. I've been keeping an eye on the two of you since the minute you stepped foot in Palo Alto. I actually saw you pull up on your first day here. I watched you from the side of another building."

"Well that's not creepy at all," replied Dean sarcastically. "You know, if you were a human, you'd be classified as a stalker."

"Thanks Dean, that's so kind of you to say."

_"Of course he'd take that as a friggin compliment!"_

"But as I was saying, you can't really blame Sam for blaming you, I mean after all it is pretty much your fault. See if Sam was there he may have been able to save her."

And there it was. He knew that demons lied, he knew that very well, but he also knew that they sometimes told the truth, especially when they knew it would hurt you. He would probably never know if this little fact just presented to him was true or not, but it's definitely something that was going to haunt him for the rest of his life, however short it may be.

Azeel noticed Dean's silence and wide grin appeared on his face as he continued.

"You know Dean, you're one hell of a big brother! You claim you wanna keep Sam safe, protect him, and yet you went to Stanford and took him away from the one safe place he was at. For almost 2 years, nothing bothered him or went after him, and you went and thrusted your brother back into this life, all so you wouldn't be alone. Seems pretty selfish doesn't it?"

Dean took a moment and let everything sink in. He knew he shouldn't listen to anything the demon had to say, but he had to admit the demon had a point. Demon's had this odd thing about always telling Dean the truth. Dean didn't know what to say back so he said the only thing that came to his mind.

"Bite me"

Azeel let out a grunt.

"You know it's true Dean. Sam had a life at Sanford. He had a girlfriend who would have soon been his fiancé, he was heading to law school, he had friends, he had it all; until you came and took that all away. You weren't doing your brother a favour, you weren't protecting him…you ruined his life Dean, you single-handedly ruined his life, how does it feel?"

Dean was starring at the floor now, and Azeel relished in the obvious pain he was causing his prisoner, and he continued his tirade.

"When you took him on that little road trip, we knew it was the time to strike and get rid of her, cause as long as Sammy was around, we may not have be able to. We were going to leave Sam alone all together since he swore off this life, we didn't need him, we had others, but we knew that you were going to drag him back in. So technically you helped us Dean. Without you, we may have never killed Jessica or went after Sam in the first place."

Dean was fighting with everything he had to keep his walls up. He knew the demon was lying, he knew that they would've killed her anyway, he knew that they would've targeted Sam…well…he was 98 sure. But what if he was wrong. What if that 2 was right. If he had never gone back to get Sam that day would Jessica still be alive? Would her and Sammy be married? _"Stop it Dean! Stop it! He's just messing with your mind, don't let him!"_

Azeel could see Dean struggling with what to believe, and he couldn't stop now, Dean was open and vulnerable, this was the time to break him!

"You say us demons are evil? Have you looked in the mirror lately Dean? What you did to your brother, taking him away from the love of his life, and from his new life, all because you were lonely? You don't see it anymore but your brother still cries over her sometimes, when you're fast asleep, he goes outside or to the bathroom and he cries over her. I think it's quite pathetic actually, you humans are weak."

Dean sat there starring at the ground, he couldn't recall a time where he saw Sam crying over Jessica, well recently that is. He knew the pain Sam felt over losing her, but he had no idea that Sam still cried over her, I mean sure he had expected it, but he never saw it.

Azeel looked down at Dean with a devilish grin.

"You have no idea what I'm talking about do you?" stated Azeel. "Ah what the hell, I'm feeling generous today so let me show you."

And with a snap of a finger Dean found himself and Azeel standing inside a bathroom at a motel. Dean recognized the motel and he also recognized the tall figure with moppy hair sitting on the bathroom floor with his knees pulled up to his chest and his elbows on his knees, with his fingers holding the edges of a picture. Dean's heart sank as he realized what Azeel was showing him.

_Sam was sitting there staring at a picture of him and Jessica._ At first Dean couldn't see Sam's face because the moppy hair was covering it, but then Sam pushed it behind his ear and Dean saw the tears running down his baby brother's face.

"Why the hell are you showing me this?" questioned Dean in a defeated voice. He didn't mean for his voice to sound so weak and sad but he couldn't help it, everything was just taking its toll on him.

Azeel thrived in the agony of Dean's pain.

"To show you what an amazing big brother you are," replied Azeel sarcastically. "This was Sammy about 3 weeks ago, when you guys were outside of Minnesota. And here I'll show you another one."

Dean found himself and Azeel standing outside a motel. Dean recognized this motel, and it hadn't been that long ago either that him and Sam were there, probably about a month and half ago.

Dean could see Sam sitting against their motel door holding that same picture of him and Jessica.

_"Hi baby, I was thinking a lot about you today, we went on this hunt to help this lady who had a poltergeist in her house, and well her house was filled with roses, and I remember how you thought roses were really lame," laughed Sam as he held back the tears. "I miss you so much Jess, people say it gets easier with time but I don't think those people have ever lost someone they truly loved, because it doesn't get easier Jess, if anything, it gets harder." The tears were slowly starting to run down Sam's face._

Dean stood there frozen, eyes glued on Sam, and his heart broke with every pain filled word that came out of his baby brother's mouth.

"_I know this is dumb, because it's too late now, but sometimes I…I think about me proposing to you and how you would've reacted. I never did tell you how I was going to propose did I? Well I guess now's a better time than ever," said Sam as he took a deep breath. "I was gonna wait for our 2 year anniversary to role around. On that day I was going to take you to that huge flower garden you loved so much. I had already spoken to the staff there and we had it all planned out," he said as he choked back the tears._

Dean stood there not sure if he wanted to hear the rest of this, he couldn't stand seeing Sam in pain and this…well this was just heart wrenching.

"_I was going to set up a dinner table there in the middle of the garden, candlelight, flower pedals, the whole nine yards. I was just going to tell you that it was for our anniversary. Anyways at one point in the night I was going to ask you to turn around and they were going to shine one of those really bright lights onto that hill of flowers you said was your favourite part of the garden, and well…it was going to say, "Jess will you marry me", all spelt out by using the flowers," Sam stopped as the tears were streaming down his face._

Dean could feel the tears threatening to fall, and in that moment he forgot that Azeel was there with him, all he could see was his broken baby brother. He wanted to walk to Sam and just sit beside him, just to let him know that he was there for him, but he remembered that this had already happened.

"Enough of this, I have something else I wanna show you," perked up Azeel.

Dean was now standing in Sam and Jessica's apartment. Dean was a little confused as to why Sam was in their apartment until he realized what Azeel was now showing him.

_Jessica walked out of the room and sat on the couch beside Sam, they cuddled close together and turned on the movie."So what movie are we watching tonight?" asked Sam. Jess had a huge grin on her face."You'll see baby," was her reply._

Dean couldn't help but laugh at Sam's expression when he realized what they were going to be watching.

_"Ohh baby no, not this movie again," replied Sam._

"Again?" thought Dean. How many times exactly had Sam seen "The Notebook".

_"Please baby, I really really wanna see it again," begged Jessica with a smile on her face.Sam pulled her a little closer to him."You know I can't resist that smile," he whispered to her."You're the best Sam," she said as she kissed him._

As they sat there watching the movie, Dean could see how in love his baby brother was. The way he had Jessica held tightly, the way he'd have this look of complete and utter dedication to her, the way he'd wipe away her tears when she cried during the movie. And the way he told her he loved her when the movie was over. Dean could also see how in love she was with Sam. Of course Dean wasn't there to see the whole movie but Azeel so kindly decided to show him those specific moments.

Dean was then thrusted into another memory where he saw Sam and Jessica sitting at a bon fire with their friends from Stanford.

_Sam had his arms around Jessica and she was sitting on his lap. His other buddies were around him, some with their girlfriends and others by themselves. They were all laughing and joking and having a good time._

Dean couldn't help but feel a tinge of hurt, he was happy that his brother had all this, but it hurt that he had no part in it. And at the same time he felt his heart break for Sam and all he had lost…things he may have not lost if he hadn't come to get him at Stanford…

Dean's thoughts were cut off when he heard Sam speaking.

_"Here's to us!" Sam exclaimed with a smile on his face. First semester finals are over and we have a week to ourselves!"And an amazing week it's gonna be," replied Jessica as she kissed Sam."Seriously you two, get a room, or just get married for God's sake!" joked one of Sam's friends who Dean now recognized as Jack._

"So this is the real Jack," thought Dean as he looked over at Azeel.

"Yea, that was Jack before I got in there, personally, I think he's much cooler now," joked Azeel.

Dean ignored Azeel and turned back to what was in front of him.

Dean watched his little brother and his friends interact and he could see the bond that Sam had made with each and every one of them. He could see how much they all adored Sam, and he wouldn't have had it any other way. In that moment Sam didn't look like a hunter, he didn't look like a member of a family that saw things and killed things that most people think are make believe, he didn't look like someone who had psychic abilities, and he didn't look like someone who missed the home or the people that he ran away from.

It made Dean happy to see his brother so full of life and energy, all he ever wanted was for Sam to be safe and happy, but it hurt him to see that not having him around didn't seem to bother Sam.

_"Sam, are you okay?" asked Jessica who had noticed Sam's distant look."Huh, oh, yea I'm fine Jess, actually I'm better than fine!" he exclaimed. "I've got my girl, and my friends around me, what more could I ask for?"_

Dean swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and Azeel thrived on the pain that was almost swallowing Dean in. Azeel purposely left out the part, of that conversation Dean had just witnessed between Sam and his girlfriend, where Sam mentions how much he misses Dean and wishes that Dean was with him.

Azeel's selective memory flashes served their purpose. He had left out all the times Sam was alone in his room holding his cell phone in his hand with Dean's number on the screen, he left out all the times Sam sat in the dark just starring outside hoping that his big brother would be outside in his impala, he left out all the times that Sam held the picture of him and Dean that he had kept and told the picture how much he missed him as tears began to well up in his eyes, and he left out all the times that Sam felt completely and utterly alone and broken without his big brother. All those would defeat the purpose of breaking Dean.

Next thing Dean knew he was right back on the cold floor exactly where he had been before Azeel took him on that little trip.

"Do you see how much you took a way from Sam? Did you see how happy he was with Jessica and his friends before you came along and took that all away," questioned Azeel harshly.

Dean sat there quietly, as he had done a million times today, eyes on the ground and his mind a million miles away. He hated giving anyone the upper hand on him, but he really didn't know what to say. For the first time he had seen with his own eyes what Sam's life had been like, he had seen with his own eyes how happy Sam was at Stanford, and he had seen with his own eyes how his little brother wasn't dependant on him anymore to be his best friend or his big brother…and that last one…well that hurt more than anything. Dean really hoped that Azeel wasn't planning anymore trips down Sam's memory lane, because frankly, Dean didn't think he could handle anymore.

Azeel could see the emotional toll this was taking on Dean and he thrived off of it, and fully intended to continue his onslaught.

"Look at everything you took away from him. He paid a hefty price because of your selfishness, I wonder what he did that was so terrible that he was cursed with a brother like you?"

Dean hated this, he really, really hated this. All he ever wanted was for Sam to be happy, for Sam to be safe, and all his life he thought he had done a pretty good job of that, and this demon…this demon took all that away in a matter of hours. Dean felt empty, he felt useless, all he could think about was everything that Sam had lost because of him.

Azeel saw the pain, he saw the hurt, and he wanted to gloat to every other demon out there, because he, the mighty Azeel, son of Hazazel…had been the one to break Dean Winchester. Azeel knew his part of the job was done, now all he had to do was wait for his dad, and Sam of course, to arrive.

**2 Hours Later**

Dean wasn't sure how long he was out for, and all he remembered was sitting on the floor after the trip down memory lane, and he remembered a flash of pain in his head and then it all went black. When he came too, there was Azeel standing in front of him, but Dean couldn't see him too well, his eyes were heavy and head was swimming.

"It's showtime!" grinned Azeel.

Dean wasn't sure what Azeel was talking about until he heard a car pull up outside. _Oh God, Sammy._

Dean tried to yell, tried to tell Sam not to come in, but he couldn't find his voice, the only thing that came out was whisper.

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Sam stepped out of the car and headed toward the warehouse. He knew this was stupid, he had no colt, he had no backup, all he had was holy water, but his brother was in that warehouse and that was all he needed to know.

Sam bent down and began to draw a huge devil's trap just outside the warehouse doors. He then covered it with dirt. His plan was to grab Dean and run out, spray some holy water on the demon if it came at them, and then get them past the devil's trap and into the car. Sam knew that all sounded way too simple, but it was the only plan he had and only option he had.

He then walked up to the big doors and peaked in with the holy water ready to go. He glanced around and remembered just how big the warehouse was. He scanned the warehouse for Dean and the demon. He didn't see a sign of the demon, although he was sure the demon was close by, but he did see a figure slumped over by the wall. _Dean!_

It took everything in him not to run to Dean. He took a look at Dean. His arms and feet were chained like an animal and Sam could feel the anger rising in him. Dean looked bloody and beat up, most likely a few broken ribs, and he had some nasty swelling around his eye, but he was alive, he could see Dean's chest moving, and that gave him hope.

As he slipped through the doors and made his way to Dean he could see Dean lift his head a little.

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Dean could hear his little brother's footsteps, and if he could hear them, the demon could hear them. Dean finally managed to whisper loud enough for Sam to hear, "_Sammy, leave!" _But just as the words left his mouth he heard Sam grunt as he heard Sam's lengthy frame being slammed up against the wall.

Next thing Dean knew he was being dragged up the wall from his sitting position so that he too had his back against the wall and his feet touching the ground. His arms were still chained behind his back and his feet were still chained at the bottom, and the only the thing keeping him standing was the demon's force.

"Hello boys," came the voice from the shadows. And as the demon stepped out, both boys directed their attention to the middle of the warehouse.

"You!" snarled Sam.

"Yes me Sammy, aren't you glad to see me again, I've missed you boys" mocked the yellow eyed demon as he made eye contact with Dean.

Dean knew this wasn't going to be good, and for the first time in a long time, he was scared and only one thought kept running through his mind.

_"Please let Sammy make it out of here alive."_


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay so first of all I am very very very sorry about the delay, this chapter was really hard to write because it dealt with a lot of emotions of the boys and i wanted to get it right. I wrote and rewrote bits and pieces for a few days to see what would flow better, I'm still not sure if i nailed it, but I'm not sure what i'd do differently, so i'm sticking with this. I hope it works for you guys:)**

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The yellow eyed demon kept eye contact with Dean as he walked towards him. Sam shuddered as the demon made his way over to his big brother. The memories of that night in the cabin were still vivid in Sam's mind and he wished to God he could be standing in between his brother and the demon right now.

"What's with the long face Dean?" mocked Hazazel. "This feel a little too familiar to you?"

"No, i-it's just your breath, i-it reeks!" Dean spat back with a smile. He wanted to say more, but talking made it hard to breathe. He hated that he sounded so weak, but he had to say something.

Hazazel just smiled.

"Always the funny one Dean Winchester. I know we left things unsettled, because your little brother over there decided to shoot me." He looked over at Sam and gave him a glare.

"The good thing is," he said as he turned back to Dean, "we can pick up right where we left off!"

Dean could feel his insides knotting at hearing those words and he could taste the blood from the day at the cabin. He remembered what it felt like as he was having his insides pulled out. He remembered the feeling of his insides literally ripping apart, and the pain…god the pain, that was the worst physical pain he had been in his entire life.

Sam saw Dean flinch and he hated that the demon could have that affect on his indestructible big brother. To say Sam was scared would be the understatement of the year. He had watched the demon rip his brother apart months ago while all he could do was stand by and watch, and now, now they were in the same positions as that night, and Sam wanted nothing more than to throw himself in front of Dean.

"You stay the hell away from Dean!" he snarled as he tried to divert the demon's attention to himself.

Sam smiled to himself as the demon turned his attention away from Dean and walked over to him.

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy…what do you think you're doing? You don't need to act like you care about Dean, we all know you don't Sam."

"_Oh god, and it starts" thought Dean to himself._ He really didn't want to have to hear this. Dean had a feeling this was going to be another long tirade about how screwed up he is because of his family, and that's the last thing he needed to hear right now. But he knew he didn't really have a choice in the matter and there was nothing he could do but listen to everything they were saying.

"You don't know anything" Sam said calmly, he wasn't about to give the demon any satisfaction, and the demon was wrong, he'd die for his brother, and Dean knew that and that's all that mattered.

"No? You sure 'bout that? I think I know a lot more than you think. See you Sam…you're selfish, don't care 'bout nobody but yourself. Guess I can't really blame you, you probably inherited it from your father."

"You don't know anything about our dad!" Sam rose to John's defense.

Dean looked at Sam and let a small prideful smile lace across his face. It wasn't everyday he heard Sam stick up for their dad. Dean wanted to yell, he wanted to bitch at the demon, but he was tired, he was too tired to do anything right now, the only reason he was even standing up straight was because he was being held up by demonic force. Despite everything, his mind wasn't too tired to listen to the conversation going on in front of him, although in a few minutes he was going to wish it was.

"I think I know a little more than you give me credit for Sammy boy! You see, your daddy, he was selfish, just like you. He only cared about killing me to get revenge for your mom, kinda like you only care about killing me to get revenge for your girlfriend. WHICH by the way is quite hypocritical of you don't you think?" he asked as he walked back and forth between Sam and Dean. "How many times did you yell at your dad and Dean that what they were doing was dumb? That you didn't wanna be a part of it, that you didn't believe in avenging your mom's death because even if they killed me she was gone and not coming back?"

"And then your girlfriend dies and what do you do? Exact same thing daddy did! And you see you used to yell at Dean for wanting to get revenge on me but you never could see what it was really about for him could you? He's not like you and your dad, this was never about revenge for him, revenge was a bonus. He was fighting to keep his family together. He fought to keep you and your dad alive, fought to give your daddy some closure or whatever it is that you humans call it, and he fought so that no one would feel the pain he felt the day I ripped your precious little mommy out of his life! Personally, I think it's pathetic, why help others, they're all gonna die anyway. But that's not the point here, the point is that those were Dean's reasons and you degraded him everytime you yelled at him. There are very few people in this world he'll take shit from, you were one of them."

Sam swallowed the huge lump that had formed in his throat. The demon was right, it never was about revenge for Dean, it was always about family, Sam knew that now, he knew it before the demon said it, he just wish he had remembered that everytime he had yelled at Dean in the past.

"Anywho Samuel, as I was saying, you're just like John…you're father was obsessed, you _are_ obsessed, he was willing to sacrifice himself to kill me, you _are _willing to sacrifice yourself to kill me…do you see where I'm going with this Sammy."

God he hated it when the demon called him that, hell he hated it when anyone called him that…well that was…anyone but Dean, when Dean said it, he loved it, not that he'd ever tell Dean that of course.

"Yeah I'm like my father, so what, that's not really breaking news," Sam snapped back trying to regain the control in his shaky voice.

"No, I guess not, but you know what the kicker is…both you and your dear ol' dad, you were two of a kind for sure, always wanting more, always wanting revenge, and neither of you stopped to realize that you were doing it at the expense of Dean. The brother you supposedly love o so much. Your dad didn't care about him, and you sure as hell don't."

"I don't need to justify anything to you! I love my brother, and he knows that, and that's all that matters."

"You sure he knows that or are you just assuming? And you can tell yourself as much as you want that you love him, but you don't."

"_Shutup…just shutup!" thought Dean._ He really hated being talked about like he wasn't even in the same room, like he couldn't hear every damn word they were saying.

"Go screw yourself!" Sam was getting sick of this demons bullshit.

"Testy, testy Sammy. I'm just being honest here. And if you do really love him, well then…you humans have a real messed up way of showing it. See even we as demons know that abandonment is the fastest way to betray someone, and well, how many times have you walked out on your brother? Let's ask Dean shall we?" he said turning his attention to Dean.

"_Oh God he just had to go there!" thought Dean._

"Dean, how many times has little Sammy over here ditched you? Once...twice…three times? And how many times did dear ol daddy do the same?"

Dean didn't answer, he just just stared defiantly at the demon first, holding up the walls as much as possible but then looked at the ground, afraid that if he raised his eyes again the demon would see the truth in his words, see the years of pain embedded within his very own eyes.

Sam was looking over at Dean and his heart sank at the look in Dean's eyes. Dean had only looked at the demon briefly, but in those brief moments Sam saw the pain, the abandonment, the void. Sam hated this, knowing that this was mentally and emotionally breaking Dean, and knowing that he was the cause. Sam was mentally kicking himself as he ran through all the times that he had just walked out on Dean.

"See Sammy!" the demon said as he turned back around to face Sam. "You don't need to travel far to see why your brother's so emotionally crippled. Just take a look in the mirror and you'll the see the reason behind it…well…half of the reason behind it. The other half would be your daddy of course. Both of you were so hell bent on getting me and going after what you wanted that you never even stopped to take a look at Dean, he was just your collateral, your soldier. You guys broke him long before I got my hands on him!"

"You know when Dean looks in the mirror he can't stand the person looking back at him. You know that Dean doesn't think he deserves anything for himself and that if he wasn't a hunter that he'd be a disgrace to humanity. And who do you that's all thanks to Sammy?"

Sam didn't say anything. As much as he wanted to deny everything the demon was saying, he knew there was truth behind those words, but that last part…did Dean really think that he was a disgrace…no he couldn't think that…Sam looked over at Dean hoping, praying that he saw some defiance in Dean, anything to tell Sam that the demon was at least lying about that, but Dean's silence confirmed it all, and Sam felt his heart shatter…what had he and his dad done to his brother?

"Yeap, you guessed it, you and your daddy! For the past 24 years or so Dean's cared about one thing and one thing only, his family…well mostly you. Believe it or not he loves you more than he loved John."

Sam just stood there starring at the demon. He had never really looked at it that way, that Dean had loved him more, he just thought that Dean loved them equally.

" Ever since your daddy put you in Dean's arms and told him to run out of the house…since I set it on fire and all," he gleamed with excitement.

Sam and Dean both glared and Hazazel.

"Well since then, you've been all he's lived for, all he ever cared about. He doted on you, did what was always in your best interest, sacrificed everything for you, hell like I said you're the only person he ever took shit from."

Hazazel stepped a little closer to Sam.

"You remember all those things you used to yell at John about Dean being a mindless soldier, who was pathetic for always doing what your dad asked of him, how you never wanted to and never would be like that…well Dean used to hear it all, every single word of it, and it tore at him, you broke your brother with your words."

Sam stood motionless at what he was hearing. _Dean heard all those things...o god"_ He looked over at his brother and saw Dean looking at the ground. Sam wanted to kill the demon with his bare hands, why the hell was he bringing up old wounds, especially things that Sam never meant and only spat out during his angry rebellious teenage years.

"You see," Hazazel continued. "Dean never brought any of it up because he didn't want you to feel guilty, but from the first time he heard you say that, he knew what you really thought of him, he knew you thought he was worthless, gutless…"

"SHUTUP!" yelled Sam with such ferocity that it even made Dean raise his head. "Just shut the hell up!"

Hazazel had this huge grin on his face.

"Did I push a button there Sammy?"

"You're wrong, yea I said those things, but I never meant any of it!" he said as he looked over at Dean. He was hoping to see Dean looking up at him…understanding…hear the truth behind his words…but all he was rewarded with was an even more defeated look on his brother's face. "_God, Dean…don't listen to him…please"_

Sam could try all he wanted to get the demon to shutup but he had messed up so much over the years that Hazazel had plenty of amo to shoot his way.

"Nice try there Sammy, who you trying to convince? You didn't mean it, yet when you guys were at the asylum you pretty much said the exact same words…hell you even tried to shoot your brother dead!"

"Tha-t wa-s Ellicott," piked up Dean. "_How the hell does this damn demon know everything!"_

Sam looked over at his brother, thankful that Dean finally spoke but the little bit of hope that was restored by his brother's words swiftly washed away when he really took a look at Dean who seemed paler than before. _God Dean doesn't look good, I haveta get him outta here. _It wasn't just the physical injuries that Sam was worried about, it was the emotional ones that were clearly taking their toll on his older brother. Sam knew that the demon had a lot more to say, and do, and he was scared shitless that if he didn't get Dean out of here soon…

"Oh who you trying to kid Dean!" said Hazazel as he stepped closer to Dean and Sam stiffened seeing the demon getting close to his brother again. "You know some part of Sam still believes all those things he said to your dad and what he said in the Asylum! You know it, and Sam knows it!"

Dean was looking Hazazel in the eye but he had to look away, he couldn't let him see the hurt and he couldn't let him see his fear that what he had just said is what Dean had been fearing since the day at the asylum.

Hazazel went on with his tirade.

"If you love your brother so much Sammy, why the hell did you just up and leave time and time again?" he said as he directed his attention back to Sam. "And the biggest of all, you leaving Dean for Stanford! Now that…that was amazing Sammy! I couldn't have hurt your brother more if I wanted to!" laughed Hazazel. "You know, right after you up and left, your dad started doing hunts on his own…and poor ol Deano here was left all by his lonesome. Not only had his precious brother ditched him but his daddy too."

Sam was clenching his fists at his side.

"I gotta hand it to you Sam, you and your dad, you guys got some huge hearts on you," sneered Hazazel sarcastically as he walked towards Dean.

"And the best part is no matter how much you and your dad walked out on him, no matter how many times you guys left Dean alone thinking that he had done something to drive you guys away…whenever you guys came back he was waiting with open arms like a pathetic good for nothing idiot who had no self worth outside of his brother and father," he said cupping Dean's face in his hands. Dean tried to struggle out of the hold but the demon's hold was too strong and he was too weak to even try and fight it off right now.

"And Dean could never even imagine walking out on the two of you. You could've done anything to make him wanna run away, but he never would because to him, family meant sticking together. So _imagine_ his surprise when you and John had no problem walking away from him. Personally I think it's pathetic how much Dean put you two before himself, how much he devoted to you when all he got in return was betrayal"

Sam knew the truth in the demons words, and he hated it. He knew him and his dad had messed up over the years when it came to Dean, ok so enormously, gigantically messed up, but this demon, god he just knew so much.

"Oh and I saved the best for last. Your performance tonight Sammy…that was…I was speechless," he said as he actually smiled with what looked to Sam to be pride.

To see the demon smile with pride because of something Sam, especially something Sam did to hurt his brother, made him want to puke.

"I gotta admit though, I was a little insulted…I mean blaming Dean for Jess's death, instead of me? But you made up for it by saying that he was a bad brother. HAHAHHAA! That was like music to my ears, oh Sammy if only you could've seen your brother's face after that, I would've paid to see that, but because I'm me, I got a free show to it all."

"_Oh God," thought Sam. "Dean…"_

"You know what the best part was…Dean has been blaming himself for her death since it happened, but as long as little brother didn't blame him he was okay…and then you go and blame him! Oh Sam, may I say it was delightful watching your brother crash and burn after your little tirade this evening."

"Shutup," Sam replied quietly. That was all he could muster up to say. He thought that he had convinced Dean that in no way was Jess's death his fault, but not that that even really mattered now. Any convincing he would have done would've been flushed down the toilet the minute he opened his big mouth and blamed Dean for Jess's death. How the hell could he have done that. He didn't blame did at all, not one little bit. He was just angry and…and he lashed out and knew exactly where to hurt Dean. Sam really couldn't hate himself more than he did right now. As much as he wanted to kill the demon for purposely doing this, shoving everything back in Dean's face, Sam really had no one to blame but himself. These were his actions that were coming back to bite him in the ass, his actions that were breaking his brother. He knew what he had said to Dean, he also knew how he had just left. "_I guess I should be used to this huh"_ God why was he always hurting Dean.

Dean didn't know how much more of this he could take. He had spent years hiding everything behind the 10 foot walls inside of him, only to have this damn demon display all his fears, his pain, his anguish, right in front of him, stripping him of his protective walls and leaving him bare and open, so that Sam could finally see just how broken, fragile, and pathetic his older brother was. Dean hung his head in shame…he just wanted all this to be over.

"You Sammy, you're the only one who can bring your brother down like that, make him feel like a worthless scumbag, and you know that don't you…you use it to your advantage when you're angry. You know how to hit him where it hurts…I admire that about you Sammy!"

Dean didn't want to be here right now…he really, really didn't.

Sam flinched at the familiarity of those last words. Dean had said those exact same words when Sam had ran away to find their dad in California. To say Sam felt like the worst little brother…hell the worst person in the world right now, was an understatement.

"See Sammy today was a perfect example of how little you care for your brother," he said as he came within a foot of Sam. "You know, awhile back Dean told you that he hoped you guys never found me if it meant that you got yourself killed…but you…you would risk him getting killed if it meant you getting to kill me and getting your revenge for Jessica wouldn't you," he accused.

"Shut the hell up," barked Sam. Now that was a lie, Sam had no doubt about that! The demon could throw it in his face how much he had messed up and hurt Dean over the years but he'd never…EVER…risk Dean's life for anything, not even for Jessica. Given any other day, any other situation Sam knew that Dean would know that too, but today shaping out the way it has and with the demon opening up tremendously huge wounds, Sam had to make sure that Dean knew.

"You can say whatever the hell you want, bring up all the times that I've hurt Dean all the times that I messed up, but I would never…EVER…risk my brother's life for ANYTHING!" he said with authority hoping that more than anything that Dean believed those words, because Sam meant them wholeheartedly.

"Really?" asked the demon. "Not even to bring pretty little Jessica back?"

Sam's eye widened at the way the demon had said that, it was almost as if…

"All this," said the demon spreading his hands apart. "All this has been for a reason Sammy…I have a little proposition for you."

Dean had slowly raised his head to watch what was going on mere feet away from him. The way Hazazel had said "bring Jessica back", it sent chills down Dean's spine, and despite all the emotional abuse he had just endured, despite the physical pain he was in, he was scared for Sam, he was scared at what the demon meant by those words, he was scared that the demon might get Sam's hopes up only to crush them.

"How would you like to have Jessica back in your life?" Hazazel practically glowed with happiness at the mixed looks he received from the brothers.

Both Sam and Dean's eyes shot up to Hazazel.

"W-what?" asked Sam actually stuttering.

"You heard me…you did tell Jessica you'd do anything to get her back didn't you?" he asked incredulously.

Dean swallowed the large lump that had formed in his throat, he knew that Sam was about to piece everything together.

"Wait…how did you…" And then it clicked, and he remembered what Dean had said to him. _" I hate to say it Sam, but you have to keep in mind the possibility that yellow eyes is behind all of this, and that the Jessica in your dreams...that she's just a pawn of yellow eyes, an illusion."_

"You son of a bitch! You…you put those in my head! This whole trip, the visions of that girl dying…it was all a TRICK!" yelled Sam.

"Well…yes and no…I did put those in your head…but that doesn't mean they can't come true."

How could he have been so stupid! God, he should've known better than to believe what he saw…he should have believed Dean…trusted Dean. Dean had been right all along and Sam had yelled at him for it, said hurtful things to him.

"Right…and why the hell would I ever trust you!" snapped Sam.

"Because if you do, I can give you her back, you can be together again."

_Be together again…_Those words hung in the air. Sam actually saw his vision blur a bit as tears started to form in his eyes. He tried his hardest to hide them, to show no emotion and vulnerability in front of the demon, especially when he had to save Dean, but he couldn't help it. Just the thought of having Jessica back in his life made his head spin and his heart race. To hold her again, kiss her again, just talk to her again…god he wanted to believe it so badly, that this demon could actually bring her back, but Sam was no idiot and he wasn't born yesterday, he knew demon's never wanted happy endings for people, especially not hunters, and in the Winchester world when a deal was two good to be true, it usually was, or at least had severe strings attached.

"Sammy what's the hold up, you do wanna be with her again don't you, I mean you told her you loved her…was that all a lie Samuel?"

Sam's eyes were wired shut. _Shutup!_

"Did you really not love her? Did you lie to her…did you not care about her at all…"

_Shutup, shutup!! _No he couldn't cry he wasn't going to break in front of this demon.

Dean looked over and saw Sam with his eyes shut tight, and he knew what Sam was doing. He was trying to drown out the voice of the demon, trying not to let that tear fall down his cheek, trying not to let himself break.

"I mean the girl DIED for you Sam…BECAUSE of you and you're gonna stand there and tell me that you didn't love her?"

Sam couldn't take it anymore.

"SHUTUP! SHUTUP! OF COURSE I LOVED HER! I LOVED HER WITH EVERYTHING I HAD! I WAS GOING TO ASK HER TO MARRY ME OF COURSE I FREAKING LOVED HER!" Sam yelled and then start panting from the lack of oxygen that little blow up had just caused. He didn't know why he felt like he had to defend himself to this demon, but he just…he really did love her.

"Could've fooled me Sammy boy!"

Dean's heart broke at hearing the utter devastation in his little brother's voice. Dean could handle the demon trying to break _him,_ but not his brother, this was the worst possible torture for Dean. And then he remembered all those things the demon had shown him before Sam had arrived. All those times Sam was with Jessica, all the time he cried about her. He knew he had to do something…say something…

"W-why don't you j-just shut the hell up!" Dean said staring at the demon.

The demon and Sam turned their heads.

God he really wished that he didn't sound this weak, it really put a kink in trying to protect his little brother and getting the demon to take him seriously.

Sam looked at his brother and he began to feel even more guilty. Depite everything that had happened, despite everything Sam said to Dean and the wounds the demon had exposed, Dean was still there protecting him with all he had. Trying to turn the demon's attention to himself, trying to spare Sam the pain…he hated that Dean always did this, put his life in danger to save Sam, but it's also the type of big brother Dean was and he loved him for it.

"Dean, stay out of this, this is between me and your brother, and you really should save your breath…you're gonna need it," said the demon.

Dean was about to say something else when out of nowhere he felt what felt like an invisible foot hit his ribs and he started gasping for air.

"DEAN!" yelled Sam as he saw his brother struggle to get oxygen into his lungs. "YOU SON OF A…"

"SHUTUP SAM!...We weren't done! I asked you a question, do you want your girlfriend back or not?"

Sam was snarling at the demon and when he heard Dean's breathing return to normal he relaxed a little and let the demon's question really sink in.

"Well…"

"Of course I do," said Sam so quietly that the demon could barely hear it.

"What was…"

"OF COURSE I DO!"

"Much better," replied the demon with a smile. "Well like I said Sammy boy, lucky for you I can bring her back!"

Sam didn't know why his heart was starting to pound faster. He knew it was a trick…it just had to be…no way was this demon going to give him something he actually wanted…because well…that's just not what demons do.

"You know I can too Sam. I'm the most powerful demon in all of hell! I can do whatever I please, I mean hell I brought Dean back to you didn't I? He was dead, so I took your daddy in exchange for him and brought him back! So you see I do keep my end of deals!"

Sam couldn't argue with the fact that the demon had brought Dean back. Both him and Dean had known what happened to their dad and it was confirmed by the crossroads demon. If anyone had the power to bring back Jessica it was this demon that he was eye to eye with.

"_Jess…he could bring…no!...no! what the hell am I thinking! He's a demon, snap out of it Sam!_

"You think too much you know that Sam, sometimes you just gotta go with what you want."

"Why the hell would you wanna give me anything? I mean hell _you're_ the one who took her away from me…now you wanna give her back? You can see how I'm hesitant here…and the fact that you're a freaking demon, why the hell would you ever do me a favour!" It was more of a rhetorical question but Sam knew he'd get an answer.

"First off…yes I took her away, but that was only cuz she got in my way at the time. Secondly, I don't do favours, I make deals when it works in _my _favour, so I'm willing to make a deal with you, well more of a trade," he said smiling.

Dean was looking from the demon to Sam and back. "_Sammy…"_

"A trade?" Sam asked incredulously. "I don't see how I'm gonna get to be with Jessica if I'm dead or if I go darkside." He stated matter of factly.

"That's not what I'm asking for Sam."

"_Oh thank god," thought Dean, he didn't understand it and he knew it sounded like a hoax but…what if it wasn't. Maybe all the beating he'd received was messing with his head._

"You're not the only special kid out there you know. Sure I wanted you to be the boy king, the leader to my army, but something more important has come up. I need something more than I need you to be a leader. I have other special children, one of them can lead my army. Sure I'd prefer you, but hey, it's not the end of the world if I don't get you. I mean what kinda leader would I be if I didn't roll with the punches? Something more important has come up, something so important that I'm willing to let you go, rid you of your destiny, give you your little girlfriend back."

Sam didn't know what to say, this was all way too good to be true. All of a sudden the demon's had a change of mind? No, it couldn't be…it just couldn't be…could it? Did the demon really want something that much that he was willing to give Sam Jessica back? Sam was speechless, this has to be a trick, it just has to. What was this something that was so important, Sam knew it must be something big if the demon was actually willing to leave him alone for it. Sam finally found his voice.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "If you don't want me dead, and don't want me to lead your damn army, what the hell do you want? I mean you have the friggin colt already, what else is there?"

Hazazel just stood there staring at Sam for what seemed like forever until he shifted his eyes, and Sam's eyes followed.

Sam's eyes widened in horror and he felt his heart sink as he looked at Hazazel's evil grin and realized what he wanted.

"NO…NO…NOT DEAN…Y-YOU CAN'T HAVE DEAN!"

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**Kay guys here's the next part. Sorry about the delay again, I wasn't even going to write this for another week or so but I sat down and wrote this out today after watching some reruns of supernatural lol There's a flashback in this chapter and it's a flashback to the eppis "Salvation" and "In My Time Of Dying", which I'm sure you'll all know when you read it, because well, let's just face it, we're all incredibly obsessed with this show and we'd instantly know what episode it was even if someone only gave us two lines from it lol But just in case someone doesn't recognize it, that's where it's from. Let me know how this chapter worked out for you guys! :D **

**SNSNSN**

Sam's eyes were wide and embedded within them was horror and fear for his brother's life.

"Don't say no until you know the terms Sammy, you get Jessica back as good as new, you guys pick up where you left off, and we leave you and her alone, no demons, no hunting for you. You can have it all with her, everything you dreamt about…all of it, you just need to give us your brother."

Sam's mind was racing. He was being asked to choose between Dean and Jessica. And then he remembered his vision. He remembered standing above Dean's grave.

"Why the hell do you want him! I thought it was me you wanted!" yelled Sam trying to figure out what the demon was trying to do.

"Things change, I've got my reasons, now whaddu say Sammy?"

"NO! NO! You can't have Dean!"

"But you can have Jessica in exchange…you can be rid of this life…it's what you've always wanted Sammy."

"Not like this…not in exchange for Dean!"

"Don't you get it! As long as Dean's in your life you'll never have normal, you'll never have what you've wanted. Dean's holding you back Sam, he's holding you back from the life you deserve."

Dean knew that was true. As much as he wanted his brother to stay with him, he knew Sam deserved better than this life, Sam deserved every good thing the world had to offer him. Still, it didn't make it hurt any less hearing those words come out of the demon's mouth, to the hear the truth come out of someone, or something else's mouth.

"Oh c'mon Sammy, you don't need him, that's the whole reason I brought up all the things from your past, to show you, to prove to you that you've never needed him."

"Shutup!"

"You know it's true Sam, Dean knows it's true, hell even your dad knew it was true!"

Kay so maybe the last part was a lie but Hazazel just couldn't resist.

"You've proved time and time again that you don't need Dean, that you can take care of of yourself. You did it for 2 years, the rest of your life shouldn't be that hard…and besides you'd have Jessica again!"

Sam was looking down now and he knew he had no one to blame but himself for making the demon think that what he had just said was true. In reality, none of it was true. Sure he had gone off on his own for 2 years, but he was never okay in those 2 years. He was never truly happy, and he was always living in fear that one day he'd get that call from his dad, or from the police, or the hospital that Dean was dead.

Then he thought about Jessica, the love of his life, the only woman he had ever felt so strongly for. Sam loved his mom but because he never got a chance to know her and only remembered her from pictures, Jessica sort of filled this void in his heart for a feminine presence. It was the first time he was really ever around a woman for a long period of time, and everything he knew about women, aside from all the stuff Dean had taught him, he learned from her. In between the learning and the fascination of how truly complex, but gentle and caring the other sex could be, he fell in love with her and she in turn, fell in love with him. His relationship with her is what made being away from his family bearable. A year and a half into their relationship Sam knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, she was everything that he had ever dreamt of, she wasn't perfect, she had her quirks and flaws, but they just made Sam love her ever more.

Sam remembered the exact day he started to understand and sort of forgive his father for the life they had lead after his mom's death. He remembered that day, holding Jessica in his arms as she fell asleep and realizing that this must've been the way his dad felt about his mom when they were together. And then he remembered the way his dad would look at his mom's pictures, the softness in his eyes, the pain, the agony, the failure at not being able to save her, and he knew that his dad loved his mom more than life itself. He remembered sitting there with Jessica sleeping in his arms and finally understanding what it must've been like for his dad to lose his mom, and understanding his need for revenge. He still didn't condone his father for the way he and Dean were raised, but he was starting to understand a little more. He remembered thinking that if anything ever happened to Jess, he would fight hell and fire to get his revenge.

What he didn't realize at the time though was that there was one person who would make him different from his dad, one person who could keep him from sacrificing everything to get his revenge. It seemed that all John could ever see was Mary's death, and to be honest, at first that's all Sam could see too, Jess's death, until that fateful day in the cabin where Sam helplessly watched as his brother was slowly being killed in front of him.

During the hours after the attack, when they were all in the hospital, waiting to see if Dean was going to pull through, there was this moment of clarity that hit Sam like a ton of bricks.

_**-Flashback-**_

He was standing outside Dean's hospital room, just after Dean had flat lined and they had revived him. He was standing there, unable to move, unable to speak, and it was at that specific moment his brain decided to think back to the conversation he and Dean had had before the cabin, before they found out that Meg had their father, before all the blood and agonising pain. Sam remembered every word of that conversation, and he remembered how scared Dean had looked, but he chose to ignore it because he was too angry at Dean for not letting him run back into the burning house.

"_If you had just let me go in there I could've ended all this."_

"_Sam, the only thing you were to end was your life"_

"_You don't know that…"_

"_So what you just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it?"_

"_Yeah, yeah you damn right I am…"_

"_Yea, well that's not gonna happen, not as long as I'm around."_

"_What the hell you talking about Dean, we've been searching for this demon our whole lives, it's the only thing we've ever cared about!"_

"_Sam, I wanna waste it, I do, okay, but it's not worth dieing over!"_

"_What!"_

"_I mean it, if hunting this demon means you getting yourself killed, then I hope we never find the damn thing!" _

And that really summed it up right there. For Dean, Sam's safety took precedence over revenge, but for Sam, revenge took precedence over everything else. He remembered thinking at the time of that conversation that Dean was being stupid, that Dean didn't have his priorities straight. But now standing in front of his brother's hospital room, minutes ago watching the doctors try to revive his brother, he realized that he was the one who didn't have his priorities straight, he was the one being stupid. Dean would give up finding the demon if it meant his family would be safe, and now Sam would give anything, even swear off hunting the demon if he had to, in order for Dean to survive. He finally understood what Dean had meant all along, that it wasn't worth dying over, because Dean's death never was and never would be worth it to kill the demon, it wouldn't be worth it for anything in the world.

As Sam stood there he let the guilt eat at him and he prayed that it wasn't too late to apologize to Dean, to tell him how much he loved him and how badly he had messed up. Sam was the one willing to sacrifice himself to kill the demon, but he never stopped to realize that that meant putting Dean in the line of fire. As usual Dean was the one who took the brunt of the attack, Dean was the one hooked up to numerous machines, Dean was the one fighting for his life. As much as Sam was willing to sacrifice himself before to kill the demon, he would never sacrifice Dean, but now he was starting to see that they went hand in hand. Sam sacrificing himself always led to Dean protecting him which meant that Dean was the one who would end up getting sacrificed. It was then that Sam realized that there was one person who was more important than revenge, more important than his dad, even more important than the love of his life, and that was his big brother Dean.

_**-End flashback-**_

Dean looked over at Sam who had been quiet since the demon had spoken last and he saw his brother looking at the ground with tears in his eyes. It broke his heart to see Sam like that, and he mistook Sam's silence as Sam having an internal battle to choose between him and Jessica, so he decided to say what needed to be said. He knew the risks, he knew it could be false, but Hazazel had stuck to the deal with his dad and brought him back to life and he really seemed to want Dean dead, and usually when a demon wants something that bad, they'll do anything, give anything, to have what they want.

"S-sammy," Dean started as he saw Sam's head lift up and their eyes locked. "T-take it Sammy, t-take the deal."

Sam snapped out of his thoughts and snapped his head up and stared at Dean wide eyed. He couldn't be hearing right…his brother could not have just told him to take a deal that would end his own life. Actually, who was he kidding, that was just like Dean if it meant that Sam would be happy. And that was the key word, happy. Sam saw understanding in Dean's eyes, he saw acceptance, hurt, but still acceptance in choosing Jessica over him, he saw the self sacrificing brother he loved with every fibre of his being, and it broke Sam's heart. The eyes that were looking back at him, the eyes that were telling him "it's okay to choose her Sammy", were eyes filled with years and years of unintended and unconscious emotional abuse caused by Sam and their dad. As Sam looked at Dean he could see that Dean really thought that he would be happier choosing Jessica, and Sam knew that he had no one to blame but himself.

"Dean…no," Sam choked out, he tried to sound stronger, more affirmative, but that resigned look in his brother's eyes, a look he knew he was to blame for, shattered his already broken heart and he couldn't seem to find his voice.

Dean really didn't have the strength to fight with Sam on this so he shifted his conversation over to the demon.

"W-hy the h-hell do you need his permission, I'm giv-ving you your damn permis-sion!"

"Dean SHUTUP! No, Dean NO!" Sam yelled frantically as he looked at his brother, but Dean didn't look back at him, he just kept staring at Hazazel.

"Sorry Dean-o, doesn't work that way, Sammy over here needs to say the words."

Sam breathed a sigh of relief at hearing that.

"So Sammy, who's it gonna be, I personally think you should listen to Dean over there, he knows how worthless he is to you and how Jessica's worth a lot. Who's it gonna be Sammy, Jessica or Dean."

Sam didn't say anything, he just stared at Hazazel with hatred in his eyes and then he looked over at Dean who locked eyes with him for a brief second before looking back at the ground. Sam knew that Dean took Sam's silence as an affirmation that he was trying to decide who to choose, and that broke Sam's heart. He wished to god that Dean knew how much he loved him, knew that he wouldn't sacrifice him for anything, but he also knew that he had damaged Dean so much over the years that he understood why Dean would believe that Sam would have to even think about whom to choose. If the roles were reversed Sam knew that, without a doubt, Dean would choose him over anyone, and that's what made this hurt more, because Sam would trust his life in Dean's hands, but it seemed that Sam had messed up so many times that Dean no longer trusted his in Sam's, and Sam's silence wasn't doing much to ease Dean's doubts. But Sam really didn't have a choice, he had to stall, he had to make the demon really believe that he was trying to choose, because he was scared to think what the demon would do if he instantly chose Dean.

Sam kept starring at the demon in defiance. He knew that if he chose Dean right here and now, like he wanted to, there was nothing to keep the demon from killing them both on the spot. He hated making Dean believe that he was actually trying to decide, but he had no other choice. He'd just have to add this to the list of things he'd have to mend with his brother after they got out of this alive…IF, they got out of this alive.

"Samuel, I don't have all day, make your damn choice!" snarled Hazazel, he was getting impatient, which made Sam even more nervous.

All of a sudden there was a bright flash about 10 feet behind Hazazel and Sam had to actually close his eyes because the flash was so strong. When he opened them he gasped at what he saw.

_Jessica._

Jessica was standing there in a long white dress, smile on her face, and she was just as Sam had remembered her, and just as he had seen her in his visions.

"Sam, baby, I can't make this choice for you, and I don't want to, but we can be happy again, we can have our family, have kids, our own house, everything we ever talked about. I love you Sam, sooo much, you meant everything to me, _we_ meant everything to me, and I know you felt the same. We can have it all back, don't you want it back baby?"

Sam couldn't believe what he was seeing and what he was hearing. She looked so real, so…alive.

He heard Hazazel say something but he couldn't make it out because he was so taken aback by his dead girlfriend standing mere feet in front of him, he was so taken aback that he didn't even realize that he was the only one who could see her.

"Sam choose who you wanna save...Dean…or Jessica?"

Sam was still trying to rap his mind around seeing Jessica that he didn't hear Hazazel usher the ultimatum again and he said the only thing that came to his mind as he looked at Jessica.

"Jess" It came out as a whisper but it was enough for Dean and Hazazel to hear.

Dean's heart sank and Hazazel's grin spread from one end of his face to the other.

"_Be happy Sammy," thought Dean, knowing what was going to happen next._

"I knew you'd make the right choice Samuel," sneered Hazazel.

Sam immediately snapped out of his trance as he heard those words and he snapped his head towards Hazazel who was now standing right in front of Dean. The next few seconds happened like a flurry of events. He saw Hazazel reach back and grab out a 10 inch blade and Sam's eyes widened in horror as to what he had just done. He hadn't chosen Jess, he just said her name because he was so shocked to see her, and now…Dean. He looked at Dean and saw the acceptance in what he thought was Sam's choice, but he also saw the hurt and the shattered heart. Before Sam could take it back, before he could do anything, he saw Hazazel draw back the knife and then plunge forward. Sam's heart sank as Dean let out an agonizing cry as the blade pierced through his abdomen.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sam cried out as he watched Hazazel drive the knife into Dean. Sam struggled violently with the force holding him up against the wall, he had to get to Dean, but just like the time in the cabin, he was helpless to do anything but watch as that thing tried to kill his brother.

He could see the blood pool out of his brother's mouth, he could see the blood spilling out of his abdomen, and he could only see 2 inches of the blade sticking out. The tears started to fall and Sam couldn't breathe.

"DEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAANNNN!!"


	10. Chapter 10

Sam watched in horror as blood kept pooling out of his brother's mouth and finally saw Dean go limp.

"NOOO! DEANN!!!!!

"Scream all you want Sammy boy, your brother's dead…well he will be in a matter of minutes!"

"NO…NO…" Sam couldn't stop the tears falling down his face as he looked at his brother's lifeless body.

"Don't worry Sammy, I kept my end of the deal, your adoring girlfriend is asleep in your apartment," Azazel replied with a smug smile.

"I DON'T CARE, I DON'T WANT HER, I WANT DEAN ALIVE!!"

"Well you should've thought of that before you chose her over your brother," replied Azazel, knowing full well that the guilt was eating away at Sam.

"I DIDN'T CHOOSE HER!...DEANNNNNN!!!!!!"

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy,"

"SHUTUP, YOU SON OF A BITCH JUST SHUTUP, I SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO, DO YOU HEAR ME!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!" Sam felt something inside of him ignite, it was like a bomb was exploding within him, he felt a strange sense of…power.

"Temper, temper," Azazel said as he reached to grab the knife out of Dean. Sam saw Azazel's hand move towards the knife and he faught with everything he had to get loose, if Azazel took the knife out Dean would bleed out right there and then.

"Bye bye Deano…"

"NO!!!!" Sam yelled.

All of a sudden a huge flash of white light lit up and room, and just like that it was gone. Sam unshielded his eyes and was in utter shock at what he saw…or rather didn't see…Azazel was gone. He was just gone, and Sam and Dean were no longer held against the wall.

"_Where did…"_Sam started, wondering what had happened to Azazel, but he couldn't worry about that right now, he had to get to Dean.

He ran to Dean who had fallen on his side with the knife still sticking out of his abdomen.

"God Dean, hold on…please just hold on," he said as he held his brother's motionless body and dialled 911.

The next few hours were a flurry of events, the paramedics arrived and had to practically pry Dean's body out of Sam's arms. Sam rode in the ambulance on the way to the hospital refusing any treatment and refusing to be looked at until he knew that Dean was going to be okay. As far as he was concerned he didn't deserve to be looked at or checked out…he had done this to his brother…this was his fault…all of it. He was once again the sole reason for Dean getting hurt. When they arrived at the hospital Dean was rushed into the emergency and the police had questions for Sam. Once the cops left Sam waited in the waiting room for what seemed like hours before the doctors came out to speak to him.

"Doc…my brother…how is he?" Sam asked, almost afraid to get an answer.

"We managed to remove the knife and stabilize him. Luckily the knife hadn't hit any major organs, but there was some internal bleeding that we managed to get under control. He's holding his own right now, but the next 48 hours will be critical in assessing his condition and his probability of survival."

"_Probability of survival…oh god…Dean has to make it…I can't…I…."_

Sam was at a loss for words…Dean had to survive this, he just had to. Finally Sam found his voice.

"Doc can I…can I go see him?"

"Of course, but we do need to get you checked out as well Mr. Plonski," the doc started.

"I will I promise, I just…I need to see my brother first," he replied solemnly.

The Doc could see that Sam and Dean were close just by the way Sam was acting. He could see the desperation and fear in Sam and he couldn't help but feel empathetic towards the young man, he figured Sam could get checked out after he saw his brother.

As he entered Dean's room the site before him made him come to a stand still. Just as that day in the hospital after the incident at the cabin, Dean was hooked onto numerous machines. It was a painful sight to see and Sam hated himself for being the cause of what he was witnessing.

He moved to Dean's bedside and took Dean's hand in his. He looked over Dean for a minute and noticed how pale Dean looked, but not as pale as he had looked right before the paramedics had arrived. He took a second to compose himself before he spoke.

"Dean…god Dean I'm so sorry," he said as he started to cry. "I c-can't…I can't do this without you man…you haveta get better, I don't…I have so much to say, so much to apologize for…please Dean just wake up…just be okay, please."

After the 48 hour watch on Dean's condition was lifted the Doctor was happy to report that Dean's vitals were strong, and they were sure that Dean would be able to recover from this 100%, physically speaking at least. Now all Dean had to do was wake up.

Sam spent every waking minute at the hospital by his brother's side, talking to him, apologising to him, willing him to wake up, and when he wasn't doing that he was trying to figure out what the hell happened back at the warehouse. What was that light…and the power he felt inside him before that light…

"_Did I…could I have possibly done that…have my powers gotten that much stronger?"_

God, too many questions and Sam had no answers for any of them, all he knew was one minute he was thinking that Dean was going to die right in front of his eyes and he felt this strong power inside him, sort of like the power he felt at Max's house…except this was stronger…and the next thing he knew Azazel had disappeared and he and Dean were no longer being held by invisible restraints.

"_God what the hell is happening to me and where the hell did Azazel go…is he dead…or did he flee…from me…?"_

That thought alone made Sam shudder and all these questions were hurting his head. He couldn't think about this right now though, he had one priority and one priority only, Dean. Everything else could wait.

**The next day**

Sam had been sitting by Dean's side since he was brought into the hospital yesterday, (he only left to use the washroom and grab quick snacks) and Dean looked just as pale as he did when Sam brought him in. God how he wished his brother would wake up right now.

Sam had no one to talk to, no one to distract him, so the incident at the warehouse kept playing over and over in Sam's mind, the guilt getting stronger and stronger and embedding itself deeper and deeper within Sam. The memories of what yellow-eyes had said to Sam and Dean, directed at hurting Dean, was fresh in Sam's mind, and he had a feeling it would be fresh in his mind forever. God, if a stranger had been listening in on that conversation (though it wasn't much of a conversation), they would've thought that Dean grew up not being loved or cared about…and if Sam was being completely honest, he'd have to agree that he messed up, royally messed up, in being there for Dean and showing Dean that he loved him as much as Dean always showed him.

Sam swiped a hand over his tired face and looked up at his brother's face, but this time he really looked. Dean looked so young lying on the hospital bed yet at the same time he looked so…worn out. Maybe Dean always looked like this and Sam just chose to ignore it because it would make things easier, made things more bearable…god everything made him feel more and more like crap. If there is one thing he is sure about today, it is that he is the worst little brother ever. Everything Azazel said hit so close to the truth that it made Sam want to throw up. To hear everything he ever did to hurt his brother, intentionally or not, and to remember all the excuses he made for himself at the time as to why his brother deserved all the hurtful words and actions coming out of Sam, made Sam want to crawl in a hole and die. If it had been any other family they would have dismissed it as teenage hormones and drama, but the Winchesters weren't any other family, and hurt feelings caused by teenage hormones and drama were replaced with lifelong wounds caused by a little brother who more often than not took advantage of his big brother's big heart, no wonder Dean thought he'd choose Jessica over him

Sam put his head in his hands as he kept hearing Azazel's accusatory words and memories, painful memories, of times he had hurt Dean, came flooding back.

_You used to yell at Dean for wanting to get revenge on me but you never could see what it was really about for him could you? He's not like you and your dad, this was never about revenge for him, revenge was a bonus. He was fighting to keep his family together. He fought to keep you and your dad alive, fought to give your daddy some closure…he fought so that no one would feel the pain he felt the day I ripped your precious little mommy out of his life!_

_-Flashback-_

_16 year old Sammy was starring defiantly at Dean. Sam and John had just gotten into a huge argument, again, and John had stormed out of the motel room. Dean hadn't done anything to side with Sam and that irritated Sam._

"_You're just like him!" Sam yelled._

"_Don't start Sam,"_

"_Why not Dean, truth hurts?"_

"_Shutup Sam."_

"_No! No I won't shutup! God you're just as bad as Dad! All you guys care about is getting revenge, you don't care about anything else!"_

"_That's not true," Dean defended._

"_The hell it isn't, it's always hunt this hunt that, god, you guys are pathetic!"_

"_WE'RE SAVING LIVES SAM! Since when is that pathetic!" Dean yelled back getting irritated._

_Sam scoffed. "Right…cause that's why you do it."_

"_And why else would we do it Sam?"_

"_CAUSE, YOU GUYS ARE OBSESSED! OBSESSED WITH REVENGE FOR A WOMAN YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET BACK!" The minute the words left Sam's mouth he regretted it. He saw the anger flash across Dean's face that was then replaced by hurt._

"_No Sam, I do it so that you and dad don't end up like mom," Dean said quietly as his voice broke a bit. He then walked into the room him and same were sharing and closed the door behind him. _

_Sam watched his brother go and knew that he had just messed up big time._

_-End Flashback-_

_Both of you were so hell bent on getting me and going after what you wanted that you never even stopped to take a look at Dean, he was just your collateral, your soldier. You guys broke him long before I got my hands on him_

_-Flashback-_

"_I'm not a hunter dad, and I will never be a hunter!" yelled 17 year old Sam._

_Sam, Dean, and John had just returned back from a hunt that didn't end too well. It was a week long hunt that resulted in the person they set out to save dying because a ghost got to 65 year old David before they did, and everyone's emotions were running ramped. Sam and John were angry and on edge and Dean…Dean was mentally and emotionally worn out._

"_I don't care what you think you're not, but you are a hunter! Don't you ever forget it!"_

"_No! I'm not! I don't want this STUPID life, it's not a life at all!"_

"_We save lives Sam, are you so selfish that that means nothing to you!?"_

_Sam scoffs. "Right…like we saved David?"_

"_Don't you dare!" yelled his father._

"_No dad! Don't you dare! Don't you dare make me look like the bad one here! I deserve my own life, I deserve to be happy!"_

"_So you're gonna be happy while people out there keep dying!"_

"_God dad, you make it sound so bad, I just want out of this lifestyle!"_

_The whole time during the fight, both Sam and John didn't even acknowledge that Dean was standing right in between them to the side until…_

"_Dean, tell dad you agree with me! That this life is stupid, that this is not how kids should be raised!" Sam said looking at Dean for backup._

"_No Dean, you tell your brother how what we do is important, it's more important that living some apple pie life"_

_Dean just stood there starring at them. He hated it when they did this, when they'd make him choose because no matter what happened he was the one that, one or both, of them ended up being mad at in the end. Dean stopped picking sides along time because all this fighting always seemed like he was being used to spite whoever's side he didn't choose._

"_Don't," Dean said shaking his head. "I'm not picking sides."_

"_Dean, what the hell man, you're supposed to be my big brother, you're supposed to side with me, you know I'm right!"_

"_No, he knows I'm right, don't you Dean…tell Sam that he's a selfish little brat who has no idea how lucky he has it!"_

"_LUCKY?!? LUCKY?"…and just like that Dean was a shadow yet again. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME! HOW THE HELL AM I LUCKY. I TRAVEL AROUND CONSTANTLY SO I CAN'T EVEN MAKE MY OWN FRIENDS!"_

"_Stop being so dramatic Sam! John retorts._

"_I'M NOT! I hate this life, I hate everything about this life! I'm miserable here, I hate it, I can't even remember the last time I was actually happy!"_

_That stung Dean. He had always done everything to make sure Sam was happy, make sure Sam got everything he wanted, well as much as Dean could possibly give him. Sam must have read his mind because the minute he said it he shut up and looked at Dean with guilt all over his face. Sam didn't mean to hurt his feelings but when he got angry like this he didn't really think before he spoke._

"_HAPPY?! HAPPY?" yelled their dad. "YOU'RE ALIVE! THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY!"_

"_ALIVE?!? GOD YOU COULD'VE FOOLED ME, I DON'T EVEN FEEL ALIVE, I FEEL LIKE A FRIGGIN ZOMBIE!"_

"_STOP! STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!" Dean yelled getting their attention."God just stop"he says deflating._

"_I will," Sam replied, ignoring the fact that Dean looked completely and utterly exhausted. "Once you tell Dad I'm right and he's wrong! That we can't live like this!"_

"_Sam," Dean started._

"_No Dean you tell Sam that he's wrong and I'm right, that this is our life and he needs to learn to accept it!"_

"_No! This is stupid, all you guys do is fight, just stop okay, it gets us nowhere."_

"_I should've known you wouldn't side with me over dad! God Dean, get a mind of your own for once!" yelled Sam as he ran to their room. "I hate you!"_

_Dean sighed and took a deep breath, trying to act like those words didn't hurt him. Then he turned to his dad, who was eyeing him down._

"_You baby him too much Dean! You need to toughen up! How am I supposed to trust you with him if you can't even calm him down from his tantrums. I expected more out of you Dean," says his dad as he walks off._

_And there Dean was, where he always is after Sam and their dad fight, caught in the middle, alone, because once again one of THEIR fights ended up with both of them being mad at HIM and walking away from HIM._

_Sam's watching from his door and he heard everything his dad said, and although a part of him feels really guilty for getting Dean in trouble and hurting his feelings, he's too proud to go out there and apologize, because Dean didn't side with him so maybe he deserves to hurt a bit, but he really wishes that he could take back the "I hate you" because he always just says it out of spite because he knows it'll hurt Dean._

_Later that night Dean comes into their room to sleep and the heating had been busted all day and their room was freezing. Sam was still fuming from his argument with his dad that he didn't even realize that he was shivering a bit because his blanket was only covering up to his stomach. Sam was pretending to be asleep because he didn't want to start fighting with Dean and he knew that if he started talking to Dean he'd start yelling just because he was still so angry with his dad, and with Dean for not siding with him. He knew Dean hated being asked to choose a side and it really wasn't fair to always put Dean in the middle but just once, just once he'd like Dean to side with him over their dad. _

_Sam's thoughts were interrupted when he felt warm gentle hands lifting his blanket up until it covered him from the neck down._

"_Night Sammy," said Dean who sounded exhausted and emotionally tired._

_In that moment all the anger Sam had inside him disappeared and he felt like the biggest jerk in the world._

_-End flashback-_

Sam snapped back to reality feeling disgusted with him self. Yellow-eyes was right, he could be such a dick to Dean, but Dean would always, always forgive him, even when Sam never thought to apologize.

TBC


End file.
